Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Road Rage at the Local Grocery Store...

There's been a change of plans for Thanksgiving this year. Julie is no longer going to help the woman's shelter as they have plenty of help already. Instead she's coming here for the festivities and has advised me that she would be cooking everything from scratch, including a fresh turkey. None of that frozen stuff for her. I don't think I've ever tasted a fresh turkey, with the frozen ones being 47 cents a pound, it just seems a waste to pay $3 a pound for the same thing, but Julie says that's the Jewish coming out in me. She also told me that with our schedules being what they are, she'd be calling me on a regular basis to go to the store to pick up things that she needs, as she needs them. Not knowing what that all entails, I agreed. I thought it was a good idea to go to the store and somewhat get acquainted with it, as the grocery store has never been my favorite place to be.
As I sheepishly wandered in, I saw a sign that read "Flu Shot Today" and thought good, I should get one. I walked up to a long table that accommodated a man from the gay side of town, I could just tell. He asked which insurance I had and I produced my card which attracted an elderly woman that yelled to him, "That's a state funded business owners insurance company, we don't take that".. Of course they don't take it, I only pay $500 a month for it, for no one to accept. I asked how much a flu shot was without insurance and he replied in his feminine way, $30, but it has to be CASH! I briefly looked down to see what I was wearing that caused him to question my ability to pay and quickly agreed with his decision to challenge me.
I told him I could pay and was asked to sit down and fill out some paper work. Yet another problem. I explained that I wasn't used to being old yet and seldom remember to bring my glasses and didn't have an ice cube's chance in hell of reading that paper work. That's when the old lady asked if I knew my name and address, because she could do the rest. I hired her!
She asked me a bunch of questions about what I was allergic to and I stopped her and told her that the only thing that I'm seemingly allergic to is Viagra, it causes swelling... I think it took her a full 5 seconds of staring at me before she started that deep husky laugh that started in the pit of her stomach and eventually rose to her mouth. That's when it happened.....
I left my shopping cart in the isle, but off to the side allowing anyone to pass. Along came this elderly couple and evidently it was his pet peeve about people that leave their carts unattended. That man was about 75 to 80 years old and I knew I could take him! He was scrawny and mean and about 5' 8". He hit my shopping cart and sent it flying about 20 feet away! Not only did I scream, HEY but the gay guy did too. I yelled after him that I was coming to get him and teach him a lesson, but he wouldn't even look back. Instead, his wife came back and politely asked if that were my shopping cart. I nodded yes and she turned and left.. My gay friend and I yelled things after him, but he was well gone by then...
Eventually, I got my shot, said goodbye to my gay little friend and started my shopping which always leaves me cold. I bought the usual. Eight steaks on sale, one gallon of chocolate ice cream and milk for coffee.. As I cruised around the store people watching trying to learn the layout for next week, I saw the mean old guy standing with his wife. As our eyes made contact, he immediately looked down and I looked away.. He's just lucky I didn't......... well, he's just lucky, that's all!

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