Sunday, August 10, 2008

Once Upon a Time...

In 1970, I was 24 years old and for some odd reason, on my way to success, I thought it was necessary to open a discount boutique. A discount boutique that would cater to the needs of the community for cheap jeans for their children. Out of the ashes arose, "Up Your Legs", Palatine Illinois' only $5.99 jean store. All pants and jeans, $5.99. In addition to the giant discount on name brand jeans, I offered a free Whopper and a coke, included in that price, as per the Burger King next door. The place was a big success. Please read on as I exaggerate and embellish. On Saturday mornings, I'd open at 10 AM and herds of teenagers would mob the front door waiting to get in. (Actually, twin girls and one looked a little "off" were really waiting along with their overweight Mom, interested in a free Whopper).

One Saturday, at the height of business, an overweight girl about 16 took a few pair of Jeans into a dressing room. She obviously thought we were all born yesterday and she wouldn't attract any attention. When a customer back then, particularly a 16 year old, entered the store wearing a Moomoo. We were on "rip off" alert. We'd watch her like a hawk and every employee was tuned into exactly how many items she had taken off the rack. Another guy and myself built the store from a chicken restaurant and we assembled the dressing rooms. In an effort to keep down costs and allow us a few detective abilities, we used curtains instead of doors and could watch the legs of the customers. All of the employees, along with myself were assembled outside of the dressing room and watched the Moomoo lift up and a pair of jeans go on. This was the time when a customer would exit the dressing room to look into our full length mirror, just outside. Instead, we all watched this potential shop-lifting genius, put on a second pair of jeans and start hopping on one foot. Her attempt became a true disaster when she lost her balance and fell out onto the floor just outside of her dressing room, in the same position that she was in while hopping, only now she was topless, with one foot stuck in the wrong place in her second pair of jeans, in front of everyone! I don't recall her explanation, but we were all laughing so hard that we didn't call the police or her parents, but thanked her for the entertainment and threw her out, telling her to never return. You just can't make shit like that up!

Mel
8/10/08

No comments: