Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Don't Smoke POT!

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not too good to smoke a little weed, just have zero tolerance to it. I'd love to get stoned and enjoy myself, along with my dates and misc friends, but when I do, I can barely remember to breathe. The last time I tried a little pot was about 10 years ago and I was at a wedding in CN. My buddy from high school, it turned out still partook of the weed daily. I think I had about 2 or 3 hits off of a joint and stayed stoned for about 12 hours, wondering if I was going to stay stoned for the rest of my life. I remember waking up at about 4 AM and telling my wife, "I'm still stoned" She said to go back to sleep and it will be okay in the morning. She was right, thank God!

So along comes Marie, who for some reason has taken a liking to me and calls me 25 times a day and texts me 35 times a day and is stoned most of her "off" hours. I don't think she smokes when she's at work, nursing, but hey! After meeting for an interview lunch yesterday, at my favorite Chinese restaurant, Marie took a shortcut into Trails, a place that caters to pot smokers selling pipes and bongs n' shit. I almost rear ended another car watching her pull in there. My phone rang almost immediately with Marie boasting about the cool pipe she'd just bought.

So last night while awaiting Marie's visit to watch the elimination American Idol Show, I get as text message saying she's on my block, but lost. I walked outside and saw her car about 5 houses West of mine and Marie was getting back into her car. I called and asked why she texted instead of calling and she said, it's the first thing I thought of! Duh... Marie smoked a little pot before coming over. She eventually found me by me saying, do you see a man in the street waving his arms? She said, yes and we were on our way home. Marie gave me a welcome kiss and we went into the house. Standing in front of the staircase that leads where? To the second floor. She looks me right in the eye and asks of this house is one level or two. I said, where do you think those stairs lead, West? She said, oh yeah and walked her bottle of wine into the kitchen. If you know how my mind works? I was thinking, she's got pot and wine and the only thing she didn't bring to sedate herself was ethyr, but I've got some starting fluid out in the garage, that should work. We sat down on the sofa and watched American Idol for about 2 minutes when Marie said, "Do you mind if I smoke in the house"? My mind immediately thinks, that I've been in this house for 17 years and have never allowed anyone to smoke in it and just exactly where did that get me? I said sure, light her up! I got her an ash tray thinking she was going to whip out a joint, but she surprised me with her nifty little pipe. After 2 glasses of wine and 2 bowls full of weed, Marie said she was getting a little tired and was it okay for her to go up to bed? WAS IT EVER??? It was fine with me. I stayed downstairs closing up the house and when I got up to the bedroom Marie was already tucked into bed, holding this flat pancake pillow with a different colored pillow slip, asking where did this come from? I just laughed and said, I think it came with the house. For the rest of the night I heard things like, that light in the closet makes my hearing sharper and a great deal of incoherent mumbling. Who knows, I may try to get a little sometime. I mean weed!

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