Friday, July 30, 2010


The phone rang this morning around 9:30. It was Lloyd................finally! Lloyd is my missing in action dentist, that has been at least elusive, to be polite. He began with, "Sorry I didn't get back to you, what's going on with that tooth?" I thought it wise not to chastise him for his irresponsible business practice, as I still need him to complete the work he agreed to. I told him that last night I bit my tongue in my sleep and it was the pain from the tooth, not the tongue, that awakened me. He said to come right over, he's at the office and no one is due this morning. I hung up, showered, shaved, flossed, rinsed out my mouth with peroxide and drove over. I think Lloyd likes me because I don't eat onions!

I got there around 11 AM and Lloyd was walking out his office suite as I was walking in. He told me he was going out for the mail, to relax, he'll be back in a minute. Lloyd appeared behind me a few seconds later and said to come into one of the examining rooms. He was wearing a sports shirt and jeans and looked like he was taking the day off. As an opener, I said, "Well Lloyd, are you all prepared with your concealed weapon, in accordance with the new state law?" The smile dropped off of his face as he took a full 2 steps backwards, looking to see where my hands were going! "What are you talking about, he mumbled"? I could tell from his reaction that all he heard was "weapon" and "Weapon" must be one of the trigger words that dentists don't like! I realized my mistake and immediately said, "I don't own a gun myself"... which is not true, but Lloyd didn't need to know. In spite of his new mistrust of me, he filed down my offending tooth with the ever popular drill and I went home to wait for the delivery of my new 3 crowns.

I'm currently awaiting a phone call from someone new. Her name is Heidi and she's a high school teacher that I met on one of the dating services. There's only one thing that bothers me about Heidi. One of the pictures that she has posted of herself, is her hunting, squatted down with a plaid hunters coat and hat and a rifle perched between her legs and a recently shot buck deer having his head held up straight by the Lovely Heidi, showing proudly her kill. I later discovered that the young buck she murdered was Bambi's baby boy... I really don't know what to think about that!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Two Pains in the Ass... & One's a Tooth

Here's something I wasn't expecting. Remember how pleased I was with my choice of dentist? Well, a week ago Monday, Lloyd performed a double root canal on my lower right jaw and then prescribed an antibiotic that I was clearly allergic to and thanks to the staff at Costco, the problem was recognized and circumvented. A full week later, I was still eating oatmeal 3 times a day, as the tooth was still too sore to use. I called Lloyd's cell phone and left a message describing the pain I was in and waited. I waited 3 days before I tried calling again. When you leave a doctor a message and he doesn't return your call, it's not because he didn't get it. Electronics have come a long way and that's just not one of the possibilities. I happened to know that Lloyd's parents are in town and he's spending time with them. Sabrina told me, before she took off for Colorado. Sabrina is his assistant. So, Wednesday I called both his cell phone and his office and left messages at both. About an hour later, I got a call from Lloyd, saying he got my message and here's what to do. He said, I'll call you tomorrow morning and schedule a time for you to come in, I think I know what's wrong. If I don't call you in the morning, you call me, okay? I agreed to that plan and here's where it fell apart. At 11 AM, I still hadn't heard from Lloyd, so I called there and left the obvious message. He never called me back! He told me he had hours all day and he'd be sure to work me in, but just left me hanging..............again! I did pay him in full for the 3 root canals and 3 crowns and all I've got is a toothache.

I sent a reply to the bully landlord last night explaining that I'm not going to let him hold me up for fines for weeds on his property (when in fact here were not any), when there were abundant weeds here when I moved in. I'm sure I haven't heard the end of this battle and who needed an extra war? Ultimately, I'm not making any long term plans here at this location and definitely feel a move in my near future. I sold my Expedition, where am I gonna find a truck to borrow?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Drama in an Otherwise Tranquil Life...

This saga begins in March, when I returned from Florida visiting Barry. I received a notice that the property is in violation due to weeds in the gravel in the front yard. I contact the landlord, as I wasn't aware that it was my responsibility. He assures me that it is and I spent about 3 hours on my hands and knees pulling weeds, that were the direct result of our Spring rains. Problem solved. About 2 weeks later, I get a notice saying since I ignored the previous warning, the HOA is accessing a 150 fine for the violation and sent along a picture of the property prior to my picking out the weeds. I documented it all and sent it to the landlord, who agreed he'd indeed look into it. No reply from him, so I assumed the problem was resolved.

Obviously, I'm renting this place and when I signed the lease, I had no idea that yard maintenance was part of the deal, however upon inspecting my lease, I see where the sneaky landlord snuck in a addendum saying I would agree to pay any and all violations of the HOA's rules.

Last Friday, I received yet another fine for $150 and I sent it to the landlord explaining that there were indeed NO weeds and included a picture of the front yard. I mention that I feel like I'm being harassed and to please do something about it. I'm attaching the picture of the yard that was taken last Friday. This is the email I received a week later from my bullying landlord and his attempts at extortion.


The photo attached to your email shows numerous weeds in the yard. You are well aware that this is a violation of the HOA rules. Your lease clearly states that you must adhere to the HOA rules. Your lease also clearly states that you are responsible for any fines incurred as a result of HOA rules violations.

There have been three violations of this HOA rule this year prior to this one. I took care of the fine with the HOA for the violations in March.

I have no choice but to enforce the terms of the lease. Please mail to me the $150 fine so that I can get the HOA paid. If I do not receive the $150 by the end of this week, I will provide to you a five-day notice to make said payment. If after five days, payment is not made by you, I will begin eviction proceedings for violating the terms of the lease.

Please keep the yard free of weeds in order to avoid future violations from the HOA.


Bullying Landlord

I've NEVER in my entire life been accused of not keeping things neat and clean. I've NEVER been in a position where someone can blatantly threaten me with homelessness. I've NEVER been the victim of a bully before either.

I told my friend Barry of my dilemma and Barry is a wanna be lawyer and very intelligent. He spent hours researching AZ leases and determined that my lease is invalid, because in AZ, a landlord cannot reassign the agreement of an HOA to a third party without compensating them in the lease and my lease doesn't say, "In lieu of payment received, tenant agrees to abide by rules and regulations of the HOA". BUT, who wants to go to court over $150?

Here's the other thing. I pay my rent on the 20th of every month for the following month like clockwork. Who in their right mind is willing to lose a renter, in this economy, that pays as diligently as me?

Comments are welcome, as well as advice.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

My Date with Eugie...

My date with Eugie went well,.................. I guess. I got to her house about 7:45, knowing that we had 8 PM reservations for Tutti Santi's. I made a side trip to my favorite florist at Fresh n Easy to pick up pink roses. Eugie is one of those pink freaks that wears pink all of the time, even has a pink lounge chair in her family room for her granddaughter. Naturally when I saw the pink ones, they were my choice. I pulled up in front to her house and hid the flowers behind my back, as if I were the first man to ever give a date flowers? When she opened the door and the door was missing it's door knob and I wondered where I'd seen that situation in the past, I whipped out the flowers, she took then, never to mentioned or be heard from again. Later I asked if a lot of guys bought her flowers for a first date and she said about 1/2. So much for my attempt at originality. At some point I mention that the flowers were to ply her with, in case she was thinking of going to bed with me, maybe the flowers would put her over the edge in my favor. With a serious look on her face, she said it's wasn't going to be a problem. Humph!

Her house was awesome with it having been freshly painted and carpeted with everything removed from the walls. It still smelled from fresh paint and the contractor was called away on a family emergency and never finished the re-hanging of pictures and fixtures, thus the missing door knob.We headed out for Tutti Santi's, had the usual amount trouble finding it in that confusing shopping center and parked behind the place, entering through the kitchen. My first time going in that way. Surprisingly all of the employees, cooks and dish washers greeted us with a warm hello. We headed for the reception desk and announced our reservations, but it appeared that they weren't necessary, since there were only about 3 other people in that entire restaurant. The economy taking it's toll. The young girl looked at me and asked if I were Mel, probably the only reservation they had that night. I said I was, she seated us in a rather spacious booth that could accommodate about 8 people. Eugie had had lunch and although I hadn't eaten all day, I was reluctant to order too much in view if my still ailing jaw. Loaded up on ibuprofen, we agreed to order a ravioli appetizer to split and the linguine with white clams sauce to split, as well. Neither of us drink, making that a skipped course.

Typically, the food was great and they padded the bill and I didn't even complain. When you know a place pads the bill and you still choose to go there, you can hardly complain when they do what you know they're going to do. With tip, our ravioli appetizer and one order of linguine and white clams came to $56.00. Must be that new math!

We stayed uncomfortably long as everyone else was leaving and our waitress had come over for the 4th time to see if we wanted anything else. We had paid the bill 20 minutes earlier and the poor girl wanted to go home. We left. Eugie invited me into her house to chat. I figured my flowers were finally going to pay off, but no, we talked. And talked and talked and talked some more. She was laying on her sofa and had her feet scrunch under me as I sat upright and talked and talked and talked. Several times I asked if she were ready for me to make my exit, but she insisted she was enjoying my company and to please stay. My inner voice was thinking about what flowers usually bought me, but I continued telling stories. At one point I noticed her eyes closed and remain closed a little long for a blink and checked my watch and noticed it was almost 2 AM. That's when I insisted on leaving and asked for my good night kiss. She explained very matter-of-factly that this was our first real date and all I get is a kiss on the cheek. With that she grabbed my face grandmother style and gave me this popping, sucking, whole cheek in her mouth, kiss. She pushed me out the door, thanking me for dinner and all I could say was, next time we're kissing on the lips......................with tongue! Why do I feel like I'm 17 again?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Happiness is being Content with what You Have.

This is how my day started yesterday. I'm starting to think Karma plays a big part of everyday life. There were so many things I thought of saying, that I really wanted to say, but didn't. I just let this one go bye without any need to straighten her out. This is similar to someone who's anorexic. They look into a mirror and see fat. This woman looks into the mirror and see perfection. God Bless her.

63, Peoria, AZ
/ Received: July 23, 2010


The Slow Burn...

I have a date tonight with Eugie (not anyones real name). I met Eugie on back in April. We chatted a few times, then she didn't return a call and we stopped communicating for about 3 weeks. I kind of bumped into her on Match, one day and we started talking again, her always initiating the calls. She claimed she never got my message when I left it that time. Guess what. Voicemails ALWAYS work and that's not a possibility. But we started chatting again and decided to go out for coffee. Our coffee date lasted 3 and 1/2 hours and I really started to like her. I asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner the following night and she just FROZE! Eventually, she replied, "I'll have lunch with you"! I questioned her reasoning, I was okay for lunch, but not dinner and she eluded to the fact that she wasn't comfortable going for dinner yet.

(Now I've been with slow movers before, but this is ridiculous) Eventually and I mean maybe 3 weeks later, we went to the Knocked Kneed Lobster for lunch. We both knew of this restaurant and both love it there. (big deal). After out lunch, I excused myself to the restroom and she was on the phone when I returned, telling me she had to run to her son's house to pick up her granddaughter. We said our goodbyes. We talked on the phone lots more, her always calling me, not me calling her. I decided that I like her, but she requires time. About a month later, I asked her to go to dunner with me during a phone conversation and she said she couldn't, as she was leaving for CA. tomorrow, She didn't offer a second choice. In other words, she didn't say, "No I'm going to CA tomorrow, but how about next week?" I decided that she only wanted to be friends and asked her. She said, "hell no, I've got enough friends". So what did she want?

I let another 2 months pass and she continued to call me about every 3rd day. We shared things about one another and the subject of her membership was expiring and she wasn't renewing it. I asked her if with all of her stories and all of her dates, if she met anyone that she was attracted to. She said, yes, a guy named James and YOU!

Me, We're just friends, I thought. I asked her if she was attracted to me, why is she not letting me know about it? No answer. Could it be that I've met the world's last 53 year old shy girl? I asked her if she had any dates for the weekend, and she replied, yes, Saturday, but I don't want to go. I said, have dinner with me then. A rather long uncomfortable pause took place and finally she said, okay! I replied with, no cancellations accepted, she agreed it was time. Well, that didn't take long, did it?

Now, all I have to do is see if Tutti Santi is still in business and we're good to go.

Yesterday was a strange day in many ways. I was contacted by no fewer than 7 new and strange women from both Match and another dating service I'm a member of. One email was rather interesting as it made no sense whatsoever. I'll share it with you.

Hi Dutch Ovens
What does that mean? Family from Holland. Said you are retired. What did you do before that?? Don't know how long you have been on this. My responses have not had responses. Maybe not honest or don't know should be on this. City boy to City girl. Happy to hear response.

(I must have read it 11 times without the advantage of having it make any sense)
My reply:

I really don't understand your email. It's kind of like a mystery. If you're asking what a Dutch Oven is, it's a way of cooking where the subject of the recipe is in a pot or pan and that pan is in water and the entire thing is put into an oven. As for Dutch, no Jewish in fact. What did I retire from? I was a secret agent that later turned out to be a double agent, but accused of being yet a triple agent. The whole thing got too confusing, but I know I wasn't an insurance agent. That I would have remembered.
I've been a member of Match (this time) for about 3 months and every time I join I wonder why. I'm going on my first date with a woman that I met 3 months ago (on here) after emailing and chatting for all of this time. I'm what you call a slow starter.
Tell me a little about you, but don't make it so confusing. I know YOU know what you meant, but try being the receiving reader. Between responses and City Boy and City Girl, I reread your email 11 times and was still not sure. good thing I'm a secret agent.

Dutch (and no "Parenthesis")

Her reply:

You funny. Just wondering what you did. Hope you have fun on 3 month chat. My responses must be lame. Didn't know there was a language to Match. Like hearing from you secret agent. Lauren.

My reply:


You seem as though you're dissatisfied with my "responses". I like to get to know a person before actually meeting them. I felt 90 days was an adequate getting to know each other period. Don't you agree that people just jump into relationship too quickly? As for my career, it's not something I just list on a questionnaire. In addition to being a nationally recognized Notary Public, I also owned and operated a Gecko training school. We actually take credit for training Sebastian from Geico fame. He was quite an accomplishment when he drove that little convertible into the parking place. The applause was resounding, all I saw were $ signs! I retired when I lost my contract with Geico when they wanted us to train the Cave Men. No WAY!
I'd like to hear back from you. Perhaps you'd be interested in getting on my waiting list?


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Tooth Report...

It's over 48 hours since my last dental appointment, where Lloyd did a double root canal on me and the pain has still not subsided, so I did what Lloyd said. I called and told him of my pain. I spoke with Sabrina, who I had an appointment with today for my ex-rays and teeth cleaning. She told Lloyd, who was torturing another patient and came back to the phone telling me I had an infection in one of the teeth and needed yet another dose of antibiotics. I asked if Lloyd was going to be around today, in case I needed him in getting more drugs and Sabrina told me no. He was heading to the airport to pick up Mom, whose flying in from out of town, for a visit. Why do I feel like a player in the hit show, Mayberry RFD?

I just called Costco to see if my prescription is ready and spoke with Marla. She said she was typing it right now, but they're going to lunch in 10 minutes, so wait an hour to come to pick it up. I do live in Mayberry RFD! So with my throbbing jaw, I spent yet another sleepless night watching the clock go slowly through it's routine. Funny how some things never change here in Mayberry RFD?

Anybody know what the RFD stood for?

Well, it appears that I posted this story before it played out. I waited an hour and then drove over to Costco, where Marla was waiting patiently for me. She hand me my new prescription of Tetrzolomotomo0doo (sp) and asked me for $53.35. I casually mentioned that the Z-packs were less than 10 bucks, she laughed and advised me that the pharmacist wants a moment with me to advise me of a possible drug interaction. I thought she said "drug intervention" and started looking for television cameras.

Nancy took me aside and told me that if I was allergic to Penicillin, that I'd also be allergic to this new drug too. I told her I was allergic to Penicillin and can I please have my $53.35 back. She said, certainly and called Lloyd, who switched me back to my 4th Z-pack

Here's what I learned from this experience...... RFD means, "Rural Free Delivery!"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The WORD from Dorinda's Parish. I'm OUT!

Longest forehead in AZ.
Somehow, in some way, the powers that govern over us must have decided I would be a good member of a dating service called I never enrolled or paid them any money, but as a perk of being a card carrying member of, my Alma Mata, I was given a charter membership. I can't seem to shake them. The only memorable claim that I can make, from being a charter member is that I've NEVER EVER met anyone through this service, but did in fact waste endless hours emailing. I can't even verify that anyone really exists at the opposite end of the Internet and I may just be writing to a computer. The thought of that makes me realize how silly all of this computer dating really is.

Here is what happened on my latest computer fiasco. I get an email through that Dorinda is interested in me. She sends me some silly crap entitled Love it or Leave it. It's a series of 5 photos of various things and I'm supposed to click either "Love it or Leave it". The pictures were of things like Beer, politics, the Eiffel Tower, puppies, tattoos and things that may be considered controversial. I finish the test and then am shown Dorinda's answers, (Whippy Dippy Doo and WTF kind of a name is Dorinda anyway?) One of the next series of tests was a question that asked "What indulgence do you partake of, that you know you should really give up"? By now, you guys know me, so I replied, "Black Tar Heroine". (Even made me laugh) and I ship off my replies to Dorinda. At some point I begin to feel guilty, because after all, Dorinda doesn't know me and doesn't know I'm 1/2 crazy from playing on these dating services for so many years, so I email her and apologize for my sarcastic reply. the following is my email and her reply, followed by my last and final reply to her.

Mel wrote:
Sorry my answers got kind of silly, but suddenly I looked down and realized I was 64 years old, answering questions that are geared towards kids in their late teens or early twenties. I REALLY don't use Black Tar heroine, but heard about it on TV shows. If you'd like to communicate the way people our age should, let me know and we'll move on from there. Frankly, I never joined this website and don't even know why I'm treated like a member.



Dorinda wrote:
You really threw me at the 'Black Tar Heroin'. Didn't know what it was and didn't want to know. My only thought that was anything with the word 'heroin' in it must be awful! This close to hitting the DELETE button.

I think you are attractive and you actually live in Scottsdale instead of the other side of the country. Normal relationships are difficult let alone long distance ones.

Mel, my only hesitancy is that we are not of the same faith and that is a big part of who I am. I'm quite involved in my Parish and looking for someone who will share that.

I believe in totally honesty.

All the Best,


Well, it's certainly good that this came up early before we really started liking one another, but don't just put it away without learning something from it. This seems to be an example of how religion has not only caused wars in this world and represents the many who have suffered and lost their lives, but it took a wedge and pushed it between you and I, two people who if it were not for religion might have been a perfect match.

Regards to your parish..


Monday, July 19, 2010

Almost Done with Lloyd...

I left the house a little after 12:30 for my 1:00PM appointment, arriving right on time. I was offered an opportunity to use the restroom before we started that I took full advantage of, because little did I know that the dentist had cleared his schedule to finish my work today. Do you know what that meant to me? That meant I was to spend 3 1/2 hours in the dentist's chair, experiencing full blown, white knuckled terror for the balance of the afternoon. That's right, 3 1/2 hours of "Are you okay"? "Did that hurt"? "Almost done here"..and of course rthe infamous, "rinse"...... I didn't get home until 5 PM.

One notable observation is that Sabrina, the faithful assistant, may in fact not possess any body parts, other than a face and hands. She wears light green scrubs and a worn out hoody that is so threadbare that I'm actually embarrassed for her. She has nothing that could represent breasts or buttocks and possesses no lumps or bumps of any fashion. She could be my very first Droid! Moving on...

In the past few weeks, I've accomplished 3 root canals, several temporary fillings, the reaming out of numerous canals, the removal of mindless matter that my former butcher/dentist threw into my canals of my roots and lots of ex-rays. I'm done with the tough stuff and my appointment for Wednesday, just 2 days from today,often times referred to as the day after tomorrow, is for a full set ex-rays, a cleaning, and the final installation of my 3 new crowns. I suspect I'm going to miss Lloyd's constant humming and asking me questions while he's drilling. What I don't think I'll miss is the long hair, classical music that he listens to daily. Wednesday, I'm bringing an iPod!

I spent 3 1/2 hours today with the hands of a strange man in my mouth and I should have investigated more thoroughly as to what he was doing. After the numbing agent wore off, I'm certain he was using an air hammer! He's the only dentist in Arizona that wears a hard hat!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Practical Joking...

Many years ago, before complexities took over our lives, I was "best friends" with my younger son, Brad. When Brad turned 18, he was able to decide for himself where and who he wanted to live with and since he no longer represented child support to his mother, He was no longer obliged to stay with her.

So in 1991, after I bought and drove his new car back to Chicago for his HS graduation, he arrived at my front door, here in Phoenix with a suitcase and a kid named Eric and a smile. Eric flew home and Brad became my new roommate. My rules were pretty easy, go to school, I'll pay for it and give up cigarettes or no deal! That was his last cigarette and he and I quickly became best friends (BFFs) We did literally everything together including getting sick. One night I made broccoli and chicken for dinner and about 4 AM, I awoke starting feel pretty funny (sick). I quickly ran from the bed to the bathroom to hurl, only to hear Brad heaving in the other bathroom at the same time. Chicken must have been spoiled. Who knew?

We had this unmentioned thing, that whenever we went anywhere in public, we'd try to embarrass each other. Example: Once in a crowded elevator in a medical building, Brad looks at me and asks if my oozing and itching will cease with the medication? I was a little embarrassed but not so much I couldn't burst out laughing. It was my turn next and a couple of weeks had gone by and we were in a shopping mall, just going through the women's cosmetic where everything bottlenecks. At a critical point, I grab Brad's arm and say, "You say you're not gay, but all of your friends are gay and you go to gay bars!" I could actually feel the heat coming off of Brad, as his temperature rose. He bolted from the store and never stopped running until he was at the car. I guess I won that one.

Another time we were in Vegas and eating dinner in one of the nicer restaurants. I mention to him that one of his sideburns is about an inch longer than the other. Naturally, he doesn't believe me. He goes to the bathroom to check and as he leaves, the cocktail waitress stops by and we order. I give her a couple of dollars to mention to Brad, that one of his sideburns is waaay longer. She agrees and takes the money. Just then, 2 young girls about his age were at the table next door and also volunteered to join in on the joke. It was perfect! Brad comes back from the restroom and agrees that one side burn IS a little longer when 3 total strangers stop, tap him on the shoulder and tell him about the side burn. Another prank well done... Brad and I retained that type of relationship until things suddenly changed, as they always do...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

A Cool Breezy 115 degrees...

June 26, 1990 was the hottest day in Phoenix history. According too the record books, it hit 122 degrees that day, but I had also heard they had just moved the location at Sky Harbor Airport to it's official new location and the "old" location read 124 degrees, but this is not verified. Today FELT like the hottest day ever with the Mercury rising to 115. To say that if you forgot your sweater today, you'd still be fine!

I remember June 26th, 1990, as I had just had 2 skylights installed in our otherwise rather dark living room. The carpenter that I hired hadn't wrapped the sky light's tunnels with insulation yet and when you walked under them, you needed to put up your arm to shield your face from the intense heat. The living room, with the help of air conditioning, would not get any cooler than 90 plus degrees. Our freeways were completely bound up with overheated cars and the city kind of stood still. For those of you that have been suffering with record temperatures in the East, try 122 for size and as my father used to say, we'll give you something to cry about! Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Dentist Visit 3

I just got home from white knuckle session 3, only no white knuckles. My infection is gone and I never got a chance to complain about anything besides the music. Lloyd finally got the old stereo working, only to find out he listens to long hair, classical music. It's like being on an elevator and never arriving at your floor! I always was fond of this type of music until today, when I had 2 full hours of it forced into my ears. Not only that, but Lloyd hums to it non-stop.

My visit lasted 2 hours and he finally did all of the stuff and fitted me for a temporary crown. I know I'm supposedly getting a deal, but are those supposed to be made out of wood? I thought George Washington was the last guy to get a sliver in his tongue. I didn't have the first hint of pain, but Lloyd warned me that it may hurt a little when the shot wears off. Well, it's wearing off and now I remember him using a potato peeler on my gums to move them out of the way. Are they a little sore? Hell yes!

I also found out a lot about old Lloyd. He's been a dentist for bout 20 years and he chose dentistry because he likes to work with his hands and didn't want to get them dirty. He's the kind of guy that works on fine Swiss time pieces. He like to work with his hands, as I mentioned, but he likes to work in a small space. His baby brother in a heart surgeon in CA and his mom was a nurse and dad is a teacher. Lloyds' got his PHD. too. Turns out that Lloyd is no dummy and a pretty good dentist (so far). I love when I make a random choice and it turns out to be a good one, aside from the humming! My next appointment is for next Monday and he said not to make any plans for the afternoon. He's planning on doing the other two root canals and temporary crowns and since they're next door neighbors, he'll do them at the same time...................ouch!

Friday, July 9, 2010


What's the message here?

The following is a note I sent to this anxious dater. Someone must have told her that she should always put her best foot forward. Observe the left foot.

"Your picture reminded me of a nightmare I had once. I found myself in a large auditorium full of people and I had forgotten to wear any clothes! After seeing this, I hope I can sleep tonight! "

The whole thing made me feel a little queasy. I felt compelled to share that with you. I had to suffer through it, why shouldn't you? I didn't get a reply.

I had a weird-ass day today. I read my weekly fliers and noticed that tomatoes were on sale at Fry's for 88 cents a pound. Being a huge tomato fan, ever since Squeaky ate my stash. Since I'm such a failure of a farmer, I'm reduced to store-bought supplies. In spite of the fact that it's Friday afternoon and I'm NOT a fan of crowds, I fight the 110 degree temps and high humidity, pull the Toyota out of it's napping place in my garage and decided to go to Fry's. It's practically walking distance from the new digs, but fight traffic in their overflowing parking lot. I luck out and grab a spot in the handicapped section, yes I have a placard, thank you. The lack of shopping carts should have been my first clue. I burn my hand on the hot cart and proceed inside. Guess what? I got the cart with the bad front wheel. The one that's wanting to make a hard right turn, constantly. I fight the bastard to produce where I see the vine ripened tomatoes that are supposed to be 88 cents a pound, for $1.99 a pound. I grab about 6 of them and weigh them. 3 LBS. I put back 2 because I cannot get myself to pay $6 for 6 tomatoes. I grab a bag of potatoes for $2. I proceed to the check out, feeling pretty proud of myself for successfully shopping, something I frickin hate! I'm in line at the self serve check lane, but notice 2 free machines, but the guy wearing a dew cloth on his head and fully tattooed arms ahead of me, won't take one of them. I tap him on the shoulder reluctantly and ask if he's going to use one of the free machines when he mentions their out of service, thus the basket over their front. Oh, I reply. I hadn't noticed.

Eventually it's my turn and I approach the self serve machine and take out my Fry's VIP card that by the way, didn't help me worth a shit in Vegas. I run it by the magic eye and it records it. Then it asks me to scan my first object and sensed I'd bought tomatoes and advised me to enter my tomato code. The code is evidently the little sticky thing on the tomato, that is so small that only someone under 40 could read it. I realized my impasse and walked backwards to the place where no one would notice me throw 4 tomatoes and $2 worth of potatoes on a shelf somewhere near the baked beans. Grumbling, I exited.

Back into my premier parking place and into my 170 degree car and wait while the car behind me waits for the perfect parking place. I drive to Fresh n Easy without my seat belt, indicating my, "devil may care" attitude and I pull into a parking place. After I'm parked, I notice that the spot says HYBRID PARKING ONLY. I'm driving a Toyota Corolla and as far as I'm concerned, that's hybrid enough! Who makes these signs and what is the punishment if you violate it? I've seen signs that say "pregnant mommies, employee of the month only, and the ever popular handicapped, but FRICKING HYBRIDS ONLY?" give me a FRICKING brake!

I walked into F n E, walked directly to the tomatoes, picked out 2 packages of Roma tomatoes for 98 cents a piece. There was not another customer in the store. A young helpful employee offered me a shopping cart, but I told him I was only here for the tomatoes. He rang it for me, telling me I owed $1.96 and I handed him $2 and let him just keep the change, cuz I'm THAT'S HOW I ROLL. HYBRIDS ONLY , MY ASS!

When I got home I checked my fliers. It was vine ripened strawberries, 88 cents a pound, OOPS!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

This is what I Go Through...

This really shouldn't count as a real posting, but when I came across this profile, I couldn't resist sharing it with you guys. Before I was done reading it, and it's rather long, so if you don't finish it, I'll understand, I was literally rolling on the floor. A little background on this woman: She has been on dating services longer than me. When was Love @ AOL, she was probably waiting in line to be the first member. She's annoyed me personally on 2 different occasions and I ignored her spotting certain lack of balance in her writing. She sells real estate for a living, which is synonymous with unemployed.

Hello Gentlemen! Homemade pie anyone? What's your favorite? I am a Midwest, for real kind of girl who loves dessert so that means I would love to have a guy who already works out 3-5 days a week in the gym like I do prior to meeting me so we can encourage/challenge each other to become even better and go together. With that said, NO OUT OF STATE GUYS, please live here already, you can't look someone in the eye or give a kiss or hug over the telephone. I love being outdoors in AZ in the Valley of the Sun! I live in the NW area (Peoria Sports Complex) and it would be great if my guy does because that makes a relationship more spontaneous. I value honesty and integrity, I have current pictures and take pride in how I look, I would want you to do the same. A GUY WHO TAKES CARE OF HIMSELF WILL TAKE CARE OF ME, (ask me what that means)!!!! I AM VERY ATTRACTED TO A MAN WHO HAS BIG BROAD SHOULDERS WITH LARGE HANDS and IS FIT AND understands CLASSY! This seems manly and sexy to me! It is all about choices, right?:) NOT into motorcycles, sorry guys!
I enjoy working out 3-5 days a week, walking my Yorkie Muffin, hiking, playing pool at home,going to sporting events,have 2 mtn. bikes-no fun alone, hiking, still have 2 tennis racquets-haven't played in awhile but love tennis,have my own golf clubs (can you teach me to play golf and smile along the way) laying by the pool,fireplaces, ice cream cones,reading books of real people's lives working through the challenges and victories of life, NOT INTO DRINKING/would rather workout or have dessert:) I love white carnations with one red rose.
I enjoy being active and spontaneous. I desire someone who is 6'-6'4,195-210 lbs.(not into short men - nothing against you, it's just a personal thing)desire a classy dresser ie. polo shirts with a collar/..silky AZ shirts,someone I can be proud of and has enough class to dress appropriately, might even consider a older mature man who understands the value,sexiness and intelligence of a great woman, MY GUY IS HAPPY AND HAS PICTURES WITH A SMILE REFLECTING YOUR FUN PERSONALITY, lives Healthy lifestyle, everything in moderation! I am a GREAT KISSER, enjoy going to sporting events, am playful,APPRECIATES FOX News, I enjoy great communication, you don't have to guess what is on my mind, DON'T CARE FOR PASSIVE COMMUNICATORS,ABSOLUTELY NO LIBERALS AND NO DEMOCRATS...INDEPENDENTS ONLY IF YOU LEAN TO THE RIGHT...NEED TO BE WITH LIKE MINDED PARTNER, NO EXCEPTIONS.
DESIRE INDEPTH TALKING AND COMMUNICATION, DESIRE A REAL LEADER- to me that means someone who is FUNNY, classy, outgoing and knows how to bring the best out in others, an optimist all the way! I attend Calvary, believe in Jesus Christ and expect the same from my guy (ask me what that means)The man who understands this will know what I am desiring in my life. My man has enough in common to take it to the next step. Honesty about who you are today is what's important, not what you did 3-5 years ago...NOT INTO MEN TAKING MEDS,NOT INTO OLD PICTURES, NO CATS, NO TATOOS, NO DRAMA, NO SMOKERS,NO GUT- guys, please you might be comfortable with who you are with an extra 25 lbs and think you only have 8 lbs to lose, that's OK for you but not OK for me, it is not sexually exciting. I am just being honest, I wish you guys were honest with yourselves. Let's face it, you wouldn't want to see me 25 lbs. over weight, right, it goes both takes effort at 55 to stay in shape, I am not perfect but certainly try to look my best, it makes me feel better and be even sexier with a high energy level. I live a healthy balanced lifestyle and would enjoy a guy who does the same, He loves to grill and have friends over. Desire that confident man who knows who he is and goes after it with a positive outlook on life, financially and emotionally secure. Legally divorced for at least 2 years, adult kids only! So where are you? P.S. I am a "Grammy" with a 15 month old granddaughter, what a blessing! Enjoying grandchildren and my small dog are very important to me also!

I am a fun loving Christian Businesswoman who is very outgoing and loves serving
others. It would be more enjoyable to share with someone like minded.
First Date
First dates are always fun for me, I love getting to know someone. We could meet
for coffee or wherever we desire at the moment.
Getting an ice cream cone is always FUN and enjoyable!
There are so many outdoor style restaurants and cafes to enjoy each others company!

Cloning should be perfected in a couple of years. I suggest she clone herself into a male and stop looking!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Happy 70th Anniversary

My God, it seems like it was this day about a year ago. Once again it's my parents anniversary. Only this one is a big one. They were married in 1940 and today is their 70th anniversary. Don't let me confuse you, they're both dead. Mom left us in 1987 and dad held on until 1998, but I still celebrate their anniversary every year. There's only one other person still living on the planet that might even know that this is a special day, it's my older brother Larry, but he's not the type to remember it.

In other news, the dating circuit is boring me. There was one lady that I was about to write to without reading her profile. I get to a place where they all sound alike, so what's the point? At the last second I decided I'd better, just in case she's a Nazi. Hey, things like that happen. So for your reading please, this is what I found. After reading her profile, I not only didn't write to her, but blocked her from future searches. This profile outraged me so, that I'll even show you her picture, just in case you run into her at the grocery story.


I launched this section yesterday and, somehow, it vanished into cyberspace. What I had written was so good that I know I can't duplicate it today. Maybe inspiration will invade my brain tomorrow?
I must be prudent and open about my political beliefs. Just to keep future emotional damage at bay...I am conservative and can not relate to anyone who still thinks Barack Obama is fit for the job. His policies are screwing up our country. Enough "I inherited it" stuff! He owns it all.
If there is a man in my life, he must be a person of integrity with a lovely smile who listens to his inner force and "stretches" in many directions.
The universe guarantees that the unexpected always happens.

I'm not outraged because she doesn't like Barack Obama, I find it hideous that she chose to stand on a soap box and verbally relieve herself.
As an added side note: One thing that a lot of people don't know, is that when you read my blog, your information is recorded and supplied to the blog writer. I know who is reading me and where they are located. It comes to me through the stat counter and it records your IP number. It even shows me who is reading often 3 times a day, through their I-phone. I thought you'd get a laugh out of this reader's location:

Phuket, Thailand (oh well, Phuket)
Dynamic Ip For Broadband Service ( [Label IP Address]
No referring link

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Dentist Visit 2

I made it through another dentist's appointment today. I think I'm okay. It went something like this.

My appointment was made last Thursday, after my very first visit to Lloyd. We both agreed that it was a holiday and were fine with it. That's when Sabrina, the assistant remarked that she didn't know that and has been booking appointments all day for him. I spotted a dirty look, but they ironed that out after I left. Sabrina, a single girl, looks to be about 40, but the lines around her eyes tell a different story, but I'm not there to find a date. I fill my prescriptions for Darvon (Yea) and another Z-pak and head home to enjoy the holiday weekend.

Sunday night, I can't sleep a wink in spite of 2 Benedril, 1 Terazadone (which usually knocks me on my butt) 3 hours of reading and 21 infomercials. I drift off to the imaginary sound of a dentist's drill around 5 AM and get up about 8. I shower, shave and drink some coffee. At 9, the phone plays a song and it's Lloyd, only the name doesn't ring a bell. I'm immediately thinking he's calling about a car for sale, when he mentions he's my dentist. I acknowledge him and he tells me he's still moving and can we make it tomorrow at 11 AM, making that today, Tuesday. Overjoyed, I virtually scream out "PERFECT"! I'm sure he doesn't understand my joy, but who gives a shit. I've received a reprieve! a 24 hour stay of execution. I hang up and begin to worry. I'm thinking, I don't want my dentist moving anymore than I want Picasso working on a rock pile. His hands are valuable to me. What if he sprains his wrist and has to drill on me lefty? I worry all day that he'll hurt himself moving and his drilling arm will be in a sling. SHIT!

Last night, same routine. I can't sleep knowing it's coming, and by now I'm doing a count down, as for the hour of my drilling session. I didn't complain because I didn't want another man to see me cry, but it hurt. It hurt that indescribable hurt that only a dentist's high speed drill can can cause. That shrill, high pitched kind of pain. I get the Willies every time I even think of it. No sleep all night, climb out of bed at about 8 and head for the shower. I shower, shave and brush my remaining hair. I get dressed and am waiting for my 11 appointment, when the phone rings and it's Sabrina. Can we reschedule you for 12 noon, doctor's in a doctor's meeting... I figure he's wrapping his sprained wrist.

It did occur to me that I'd paid up front for all of this work, to get this discount. So far he's got all the money and I've got 3 rescheduled appointments. I worry just a little. All of my worries were for nothing. The guy is great with the exception of a couple of things. First, right through his mask, his breath stinks. He tells me every week, 2 in a row that the stereo is broken and he needs to replace it, but doesn't. He hums when he works and it concerns me. How would you like to have a strange guy about 6 inches from your face with bad breath, humming. Do you say anything and hurt his feeling or let it go. I said nothing until he politely told me sometimes he hums when he's working and it's because he gets a tune in his head and hums it all day. Suddenly I understand why he's getting divorced. I turned to him and explained that he's really a candidate for a STEREO!

Okay, Lloyd with his unscathed wrist, drilled for so long and so deep that at some point I felt a small draft on the back side of my eye ball. I mentioned it to him during a break and he thought it might have been my imagination..... hmmm.......??? He filled me up with some medicine and a temporary filling and scheduled me for next Monday at 1. I need to get some better sleeping drugs. Maybe that stuff that Michael Jackson used.....................Propofol?

Monday, July 5, 2010

My Friend was a Bank Robber...

In 1963, I was smack dab in the middle of an affair with my parents next door neighbor. I was 17 and she was 22. Her 22 years of life brought to me a whole new world. An old friend of hers from high school was 25 and 1/2 owner of a place called the Hidden cove Lounge on Lincoln Ave. in Chicago. When she was a freshman, he was a senior. There weren't a lot of places a guy can go with a 22 year old married woman/girl, when he's 17 and when the Hidden Cove was suggested, I jumped at it. I was like a lamb being lead to the slaughter. I was introduced to Fred, the friend and 1/2 owner of the lounge, along with his older brother and a myriad of new friends. A lot of Chicago cops hung out there and with my tender 17 years, I was pretty nervous. Naturally, being introduced to the owner by a friend of his, he never dreamed of asking me for my ID's. This was beyond COOL! The bar was kind of an icon for the neighborhood and it sponsored girls softball games and offered a band on the weekends. I was now a "regular" at a very cool bar, with a steady girlfriend that was 22. Life couldn't get much better than that. Fred, my newest friend, was about 25 and he and I, along with a few other guys, some Chicago police, would go bar hopping together and since Fred knew about everyone, no one ever asked to see my ID's.

Everything that Fred owned was in someone else's name and eventually it surfaced that the reason that the liquor license was in his brother's name exclusively, was because Freddie was a bank robber! In his teenaged years, Fred, along with some buddies, travelled Illinois, Indiana and some other southern states for the sole purpose of robbing banks and had done several years in the state penitentiary. Naturally, I didn't believe him, but it was confirmed by a group of cops one night. So, my new friend was a bank robber, big deal!

Fast forward to 1974:
My wife and I, along with our two sons and a cat named Mouse, moved to sunny Arizona. I think we were here for about 2 or 3 years, when we received a wedding invitation to Fred's wedding. He was marrying Lois, the (then) girlfriend of Mike, the guy who did the photography at our wedding. I met my wife at the Hidden Cove and a lot of our friends were patrons there also, although I never did see the parent's next door neighbor again. (thank God!). We actually attended the wedding, as it was summertime and our boys were visiting their grandparents in Chicago and we needed to pick them up anyway. A god time was had by all. We got to see a lot of old friends from Chicago and pick up the boys, all at one time. It was mentioned that Fred and his new bride wanted to settle, in of all places, Tucson. About a year later, I got a call from Fred that they had arrived. Fred, along with some partners, opened a place on Speedway, in Tucson, called the Chicago Bar and that we should come down for a visit.

We got someone to watch the boys and took a drive to Tucson to watch the Super Bowl and it was the Hidden Cove all over again, only it came to Tucson! Around 1979, my wife and I were getting divorced and Fred loaned me about a thousand bucks to pay for a lawyer. I paid him back. Since I was single, I started going to Tucson about every weekend and developed quite a few girlfriends there, while bartending at the Chicago Bar. Being an alcoholic, I loved that lifestyle. I'd be around booze all night and sleep all day, but it was just the weekends. I still maintained a car business during the week.

It was around that time that Fred started looking for a bar to buy in Sedona. I went along for the ride. Fred wasn't getting along with his partners in the Chicago Bar and wanted to get a place of his own. We spent quite a few days going to Sedona under the cover of buying a bar, but had only bought and drank the booze to go in it, at that point. Eventually Fred bought the Windsong Restaurant and Lounge for $65,000. He paid cash. Fred and Lois moved to beautiful Sedona and took over the place, only to find out that Fred's personality didn't "fit in", in this small town atmosphere. They literally wanted to tar and feather him and carry him out of town on a pole!

Try to picture Fred. He was a loudmouth type, that told jokes over and over again to large groups of people. Kind of like a comedian with written material. Well, eventually everyone in his bar had seen the show and he didn't have anything new of different to offer. His bar was boycotted by the locals and that was how a bar like that existed. Fred moved out and hired a manage to run the place in a last effort to make the place work, but the new manager was robbing him blind. That's when he called me. He was broke. He didn't have any money left after using his nest egg from robbing banks to buy the bar and restaurant. He couldn't even pay his state sales tax which will get you closed down in AZ. At the time I was doing pretty well and agreed to put up the money to get the place back on it's feet. I invested around $10,000 to pay past bills and more or less bought in. Our agreement was that I'd get my 10 grand back, along with another 10 for running the place and selling it. After about 2 years of running up and back to Phoenix every week, I was successful. I sold the bar to a young girl that wanted to own a bar. She was a former server in a Mesa bar or lounge, that saved her money and bought the place for $15,000 down and made rather large payments. She couldn't keep up the payments, as it turned out she was also a drunk and drank up everything. We took the place back. By the way, I still hadn't seen the first penny back. We sold the joint again and this time for cash. When it was time to settle, Fred gave me my original 10 grand and the petty cash box that held about $200. I looked at him with that look on my face that happens when someone takes the last piece of pizza. He said, what? I said, where's the other 10 grand? He claimed that we never discussed a second $10,000 and the subject was closed.

The moral to be learned here is, "Never go into business with a bank robber! I did a Google search for old Fred and typically there was no record of him, but his wife Lois now owns a big house in Tucson.

Deep Seeded Fear...

After a sleepless night, I forced myself out of bed around 8 AM. I knew I had a dentist appointment and if I went back to sleep, certainly I'd miss it. I dragged myself to the kitchen where I splurged and turned on the coffee. Recently, I've been weening myself off of coffee, but the headaches are unbearable. I read my emails, my jokes from friends and rushed through Facebook. Pouring my first cup of coffee, I settled into my easy chair and turned on the news. I fantisized about my 11 AM appointment, picturing myself prostrate in the dentist's chair, him almost on top of me, pushing his drill deep into my soul, to the very essence of where life begins.

I wondered why I had these torturous thoughts about dentists, when I remembered Dr, Libman, my first dentist. I was about 5 or 6 and Dr. Libman was a giant to me. I had problems with my baby teeth and Dr. Libman made a standing Saturday appointment at 9 AM. My job was to make sure the entire family slept late on Saturdays. I'd awaken around 7 and fake sleep, fully awake, but daring not to make even the slightest sound, waking up one of my brothers and ultimately my parents. My 2 brothers and myself shared the only bedroom, in this West side Chicago apartment, while my Mom and Dad slept on a Murphy (in-a-door) bed, in the living room. Things were tough back then. If my baby brother woke up, I'd tell him to go back to sleep, it's still the middle of the night and I just prayed that my older brother didn't rouse. Once I made it to 8:45, I was home free! With that feeling of relief, I'd watch my father go to our telephone, that was in the foyer and pick it up and wait for the operator to say, "Number please". He'd tell her the number he wanted called and soon my father was rescheduling with his college buddy, Dr. Libman. I knew at that point, I was saved for the weekend, only to go through it all over again the following week.

We learn a lot of our behavior from our siblings. My older brother was the biggest woos on the planet. He was 3 years my senior, but cried like a little girl whenever he had to do anything involving a doctor and his ear piercing screams involved the words, "He's gonna give me a shot". To this day, I can see the terror in his eyes as he cried that famous sentence. Once my brother got a wart on his finger. I knew it meant a visit to the doctor. The first week, we went to Dr. Zakon and he applied something to kill the wart and some of the skin around it. Brother Larry wore a band aid and favored that entire hand, all week. On the dreaded following Saturday, we found ourselves riding the Madison Avenue bus to Dr. Zakons office and were eventually escorted to a room. Dr. Zakon came in and took the bandage off and said it seems fine. He then took out a single edged razor blade and proceeded to slice it off. Although the skin was dead and no blood was involve, my brother took one look at what Dr. Zakon had done and fainted straight away! I made a mental note never to tell anyone if I ever got a wart!

Precisely that happened to the skin between my thumb and index finger on my right hand. That was the year I kept my right hand in a fist all of the time. Eventually, I picked at it so much that it disappeared but only after pulling the center out, while watching a movie, one Saturday afternoon. If you get the root, they disappear. Once I got a gum boil. As I learned, it's a result of an obsessed tooth. That was the year I didn't smile. Eventually, my gum boil was discovered and I was promptly sent to the dreaded Dr. Libman and there you have the reason for me being terrified of dentists.

At exactly 9 AM, my phone rang and it was my new buddy, Lloyd the dentist. He said Mel, can we switch your appointment to tomorrow at 11 AM, I'm still involved in a personal move and we're not finished. I screamed an embarrassing "PERFECT" into the phone and feel like I just got Mom and Dad to sleep through another appointment!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

A Little Action in my Bed....

I just finished washing the black sheets and putting them back on the king size bed. Whew, of all of the household chores, I probably hate that one the most and admit that I don't change them as often as I should. By the way, how often are you supposed to change the silly things?

You'll never guess who had a lot of action in his bed last night. Right, it was me! Sadly, it wasn't the type of action you were expecting, but action from a creepy source. I read for a couple of hours last night, which is typical for me lately and about 12:30, my Darvon made me feel ready to fall asleep. I switched off the light and got into my favorite sleeping position, Come on, you know what I mean, we all have our favorites. I wasn't even drowsy when suddenly I felt something tickling my arm, that was above the covers. In one continuous motion, I slapped the offending arm and immediately turned on the light to see what I'd smacked. Well, it was too mangled for an exact identification, but from size and color, it was either a fruit fly or an ant. That was my motivation to tear apart the bed for a full, class one inspection. How can you go back to sleep knowing that fruit flies and ants don't travel alone? Nothing found, I put the bedding back into a sleepable condition and turned the light out again and fell into a deep sleep.

At approximately 1:57 AM, something happened that still makes me quiver when I think of it. It must have been warm in the room, between cycles of the air conditioning and from a dead sleep, I felt something crawling up my left leg. Something big enough to awaken me from a deep sleep. With a Chuck Norris Karate chop, I attacked the offender and to my surprise, I hit something, that in the dark made me realize it was sizable! It stuck to my hand as I withdrew it and fell off onto my stomach. My hand immediately felt the moisture from the smashed creature, as I fumbled for the light. In my panic, I knocked the lamp off the table, still in the dark. Falling out of bed to escape the wrath of whatever monster was dying in my bed, I scurried to the fallen lamp (my first time scurrying) and turned it on. That's when I realized I was almost killed by Jiminy Cricket!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

On this Day...

On this day in 1968, I was at the Hidden Cove Lounge on Lincoln Avenue in Chicago. The owner, a Fred Bloom, walked in with his girlfriend Carol and another girl that was a lot more than cute, so I married her. That's how we met. She was the girlfriend of the bar owners girlfriend and they walked in from an evening of bar hopping and introduced me and I was hooked. We met on 7/3/68 and got married on 8/7/68, 5 weeks later, in downtown Chicago in front of a judge. He was an older man and had a difficult time seeing. When he asked me if I took her hand in marriage, he called me Marilyn. My legal name is Melvyn. Must have been the Y that messed him up. So Barbara McCaffery and Marilyn Fisher got married and lived happily ever after.................for awhile.

On this day in 1991, my second marriage wasn't going too swell and my betrothed called 911 in a drunken stupor to let me know that she could. Then she hung up on the operator........twice. Well, they didn't figure it for a wrong number and decided to come over anyway. My older son had just walked in from getting us Whoppers and the local Burger King and my 2 sons and I were sitting there with out mouths full when the front door opened without the advantage of a knock. With a pickle sticking out of my mouth, I welcomed them for lunch. The cops, thinking I was a wise guy (I was) asked who called 911 and I proceeded to explain the issue. They wanted to speak with the lady of the house, so I went into the bedroom and roused her. She had a drinking problem. She wobbled out to talk with the police, who were satisfied that there was no domestic violence going on, and went out into the front of the house to watch fireworks coming from Rawhide. After about 5 minutes, I asked if they could go somewhere else and watch the show, my neighbors are starting to form a crowd. They left.

When things quieted down, I packed up most of her things and my son Brad helped me and tossed wife number 2 over my shoulder and carried he out to the car. We dropped her and her things off at her daughter's house and when she awakened, she was separated. No muss, no fuss! Those are my memories from this day.

I got both a phone call from Barry, who spoke with Harvey's wife, and an email from her that Harvey came out of Coronary bypass surgery and is recovering. The surgery went well and it was Friday morning. He made it through the first 24 hours without any complications and if starting to yell orders to the nursing staff, so things are well on their was back to normal.

Enjoy your Fourth of July weekend, drink responsibly or not at all.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Casual Visit to the Dentist...

I survived the dentist today and actually feel pretty good about it. Perhaps it's the Darvon he prescribed for me? Well the gesture, as I haven't taken any yet. Ever since I sobered up 66 months ago, I haven't been too fond of that wasted feeling. Tonight if I can't sleep, maybe I'll take one. After my pacemaker was installed they gave me 20 Oxycodone. I think I took one in the hospital and don't remember what happened to the extra 19. (The hell I don't) I used them as a gift.

Here is what I accomplished at the dentist. Most people go to the dentist and wait for the bill. I KNEW I have a mouth that any dentist would look at and think about his retirement. I needed a LOT of work. It turns out my former dentist was the junk man of dentists. Two crowns fell off several times and I'd had them re-glued. Finally, the last time, my mouth had changed too much for them to be reused. I was forced to toss them into the garbage can. At a thousand bucks a piece, it made me cry, just a little. Those two lost crowns had also had root canals, as well. Yet they both need to be redone as he didn't get all of the roots out. The tooth that brought me there to begin with needed a root canal and a crown and was so inflamed still, that he couldn't touch it, even after 3 shots to numb it. (I cried like a little girl). I asked my new dentist, who by the way shared a lot of personal things with me. First that he's going through his second divorce right now, he showed me his 4 beautiful young daughters, one was there. That he's currently moving and he just lost his ass on a house "short sale". He inspects my mouth and looks at some of my work. He pointed out a rod sticking out of one of my crown's former stumps and pulls it out. He asks me, do you know what this is? No, I reply. It's a part of a file that broke off. I asked what a file is. It's a tool used to remove the root. It broke off when Frank, my butcher dentist that I used to have, was taking out the root. He just left it there, as a joke I'm sure because that's how Frank rolled. He probably looked at his assistant and winked and just covered it up. I told the new guy Lloyd to check for tin cans too!

I just spent 35 years in the car business and people that negotiated with me were never turned away. This is one of the reasons that I wanted to deal with another man. I asked him for an estimate of what it was going to cost me to get everything done. He brought me a print out saying $3750. That was when I pooped my pants. I kept looking at this proposal thinking, what would I do if I were some guy buying a car from me? I looked at him and said, I'll give you $3500 cash to do all of this work, plus whatever else we find with ex-rays and a teeth cleaning! He said, fine...

I immediately thought, I should have said, $3000! Damn. So Monday, and we both know it's a holiday, he's going to begin the work. I know it might have been foolish to pay that much up front, but we made the deal in front of his receptionist and 10 year old daughter. He works out of one of those high rent joints in Scottsdale at Scottsdale Rd. and Shea, but most importantly, he impressed me as honest.

At some point we were finished and I took out my trusty credit card and laid it on the counter and said, do it! Lloyd hit me up for the money and I left. Eventually, the blood returned to my white knuckles. God, I hate going to the dentist!

Update on Harvey...

I'm reading a book called The Chamber by John Grisham. It's about a man on death row facing the gas chamber and I spoke with Harvey this morning. I'm not sure who's more scared, but probably Harvey, ten to one. Harvey's open heart surgery was postponed until further notice, as his situation turned out not to be as life threatening as others that popped up, but too severe to allow to discharge and have him drop dead while on the hospital's liability. His doctor explained that some more severe cardiac patients bumped him and he doesn't work weekends. Here's the tricky part. Harvey's health insurance is good until 6/30/10, yesterday and as of today, he's on Cigna. Different doctors and different hospitals. Should be interesting what happens when the dust clears.

I was covered, or should I say uncovered by Cigna, when I suffered my surgery. While I was eligible for intensive care, things were fine. As soon as I was qualified to go to a plain room, they wrestled me out of my bed in the middle of the night, literally at 2 AM and took me by ambulance to a hospital that was cheaper. How absurd! I begged them to wait until morning so my son wouldn't come to the hospital and see an empty bed and think I'd died, but Cigna had pulled the dollar plug on me.

Harvey seemed pleased to hear from me. He asked questions that doctors can't answer, like, Did it hurt? I told him the truth. I don't remember EVER being in pain. They kept me sedated to the point that I felt great and stoned all of the time. I, for one, knows that Harvey enjoys that feeling and has voluntarily put himself in that condition many times. That made him laugh! He was worried about not surviving the surgery, but his doctor told him there was only a 2% death rate on heart surgery these days. Hell, that's better than my chances of making it out of the dentist's office in about 30 minutes, OY!