Friday, October 29, 2010

Two Dead Ends, but Never Say Die!...

I have GOT to start reading the profiles BEFORE I contact these ladies.

Meet Debbie, an very attractive 57 year old woman that had been nosing around my profile. The only thing I noticed about her, other than the fact that she's visited my profile numerous times, was that she didn't drink..... ever. That was enough for me. I did the unmentionable, I winked and ran. If she responded, fine. If not, nothing ventured, nothing gained. About an hour later, she wrote me the following email, so now I was forced learn a little about her. OH-MY-GOD! She talked non-stop about exercise and how her man will have to be into exercise and she can't stop exercising.

Well, I often times misspell exercise, because it is such a foreign thing to me. I wrote to her that her unusual amount of exercise concerned me because since I had my heart removed, I haven't been too much into exercising, but I'll let you read the uncut version below. In my reply, I bobbed and weaved and avoided the truth by joking, but exercise and me have really never met. This is a prime example of winking and biting off more than I could chew!

Dutch Oven
Wanted to thank you for the wink. Sorry to hear you lost your dogs. That is one of the hardest to get through! And, you'll never forget them! I lost my dogs a couple of years ago, and I still think of them. Plus, my bird still calls out to them.
I'm a high school reading specialist at an alternative school, and my favorite thing to do in the world is to work out, and visit my granddaughters. They are a kick!
I liked your "favorite part of a woman's anatomy is her mind" comment, and believe that goes both ways.
On that note, I'll wish you a nice evening!

Hi Debbie and thanks for responding to my wink and I also apologize for only winking. That's not like me to just throw out a test wink, but I tried it. I saw you looked at my profile and noticed that you were pretty adorable, so in a fit of passion, just winked and ran. Sorry.
Your rather charming email touched me and reminded me of my pups, who are currently appearing in my dreams. Truly, I began dreaming about them and it's nice to be able to visit with them again. They were Great Danes and of course had a massive presence, but I digress.
I loved your profile, but one thing concerns me is my lack of exercise compared to your active regiment. The last 2 times I got my heart rate as high as you describe, my two sons were conceived! I used to be an avid work out guy, but in 2005, I had to have my heart removed after an accident and haven't exercised since. I still look pretty good for an old guy, but that is the truth. They did replace my heart, but I haven't fallen in love since, sadly... The doctors assure me it's not health related, but I still wonder.
By now you probably think I'm absolutely insane and if you reply, I'll know it's just my imagination. This is a test!

RE: Impressive
Wow ... what an experience! I can't even imagine going through something like that. Were you given exercise limitations? How does it feel coming out of a surgery like that?? Congratulations on a new heart!
I have exercised since the age of 5. My dad was a pro boxer and he had me boxing young. At the age of 10 I broke some poor boy's jaw while fighting. I taught kickboxing for several years, but I do spinning and running/weight-training these days, which is probably why I lead a single life. There are few who would tolerate my schedule, but I love it. I could not endure a sedentary lifestyle. It runs in the family, as my dad is the same,,,,or should I say I'm like him.
I hope you have a nice evening.

Next was a lady named Cindy. I found Cindy on another website that is free and pretty much, you get what you pay for. Cindy was only 50 and still had that innocent look to her and her profile, with the exception of attacking her ex for stealing all her money, was pretty intelligent. Her reply was quick and offered me her phone number, something that is usually held onto for a time. I called and it was busy, so I left a nice message. I said I was calling from the escort service and was patiently awaiting her return call. About 20 minutes went by and she called. She immediately launched into a tirade about her special job working for a HOA and completely turned me off. The next topic was her stupid ex-boyfriend that stole all her money to invest in multilevel marketing schemes and how you couldn't fix dumb. While she was picking apart this guy that was probably not the brightest crayon in the 64 pack, she was rapidly losing points with me. After about 30 minutes, to get off the phone, I suggested we talk another time and perhaps meet for a cup of coffee. I had no expectation of ever calling her again, but got an immediate email saying how much she enjoyed talking to me. Pretty odd, I thought.

About an hour ago she called to break our coffee date, because she just wasn't feeling a connection. Huh? I told her I understood and hung up confused. Why did she find it necessary to break a date that was never made? I have a date tonight with a lady that frankly seems pretty normal. We'll see!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A True Miracle...

I just came from an appointment to get an Iron supplement. The medical practitioners make a big deal out of it and charge like $250 per injection. That's what insurance is for, I guess. The group that frequents the Kidney specialists office is not a stellar group, but rather a pitiful bunch, me being one of them. We have failing kidneys and should really be in a 12 step program, but I digress. When the front door opens, you never know what's coming in, but seldom is it anyone with a bounce in their step. I like to joke with the receptionist and always make her laugh. Today when I approached, she was already half smiling in anticipation of what was coming. I said, hi. I'm here for an oil change! That, for some reason cracked her up. I sat and waited to be called.

The front door opened and in waddled a woman that was easily 200 LBS OVERWEIGHT. I mean she must have weighed 300+ LBS, was short and wore a black (slenderizing) Moo Moo. I thought the sale of the MooMoos was over and they had been outlawed nationwide, but no. This lady must have been wearing the last one on Earth or it was fashioned out of old draperies. She was B-I-G! Huffing and puffing she approached the front desk and wrote down her name. My eyes were glued to her, like watching a train wreck, I couldn't look away. After completing her check-in, she turned and approached the seats where she stretched the limits of her chair by simply dropping down into it. I swear I heard it groan! As she descended into the unlucky chair a transition took place that I don't recall ever seeing before. She slowly, yet methodically settles down into a "puddle of person"! At her apex was her head and she gradually just spread out like a puddle, until it got to her horribly deformed ankles and feet. Her ankles were the size of a normal person's thigh and in the center was a dimple that was her ankle. That's when I noticed it. Her toes! Her toe nails were painted black or some dark shade and I knew I'd come across the $64,000 question. How???

I'm 6 feet tall and boast of a 32 or 33 inch waist and fought like hell to clip my toenails, just yesterday. I put it off because it's so uncomfortable to bend over so far to reach my toes. No, I'm certainly not in shape and work out......................a-a-a-a................ never! How the hell did she get her's painted? If anyone has the answer, I'd appreciate it. I might just want to sell it to NASA or Ripley's!

Monday, October 25, 2010

No Smoking!

The pickings have been plentiful on the dating circuit lately, but one in particular has to have her story told. Nothing has changed as far as I'm concerned, same pictures and silly anecdotes in my personality profile, but for some crazy reason, I'm getting alot more attention than usual. Maybe the ladies of Phoenix are trying to "buddy up" before Christmas. Putting up all those decorations aren't easy work for a lady, some have to crawl up in their attics to reach their goodies.

So I'm doing a pretty good job of minding my own business Sunday afternoon, watching the game, when an email warning comes that Gabby wants to meet me. Gabby, now that's an attractive name! So I click and screen down and jump through the identification hoops to see a perfectly lovely looking lady, about 49 years of age. She's tall and thin and pretty. Got to be something wrong.......oh there it is, she smokes! Smokers are in a class of their own. This one says, occasionally. I take that to mean that she breathes regular air between drags on her cigarette. I reply that she looks great to me, but she smokes and that's a deal breaker for me, sorry. She replies that most men feel that way, but she only smokes about 10 a day.

My thoughts go immediately to Sherry, my old high school friend that came to AZ to visit this month. She was still a smoker, but I never smelled it on her and if she had not told me she still smoked, I'd have never known. She never smoked in front of me or complained that she needed a cigarette. So I decided, in my imminent ignorance, that smoking must not be as bad as I remember. I send Gabby a teaser, that says, "If you want to know how I quit after 30 years of 3 packs a day, as me."? She bit. I replied that it's too long to write, if she wants to know, she'll just have to call me and I give her my number. She switches into the "not so desperate mode" and doesn't reply for a few hours, saying ha , very funny and that she may just call. Duh! That's why I gave her my number. Around 9 PM, she says she'll call tomorrow and I just about lose interest. It seems my natural sex drive quits around bedtime (not a good time for that, huh?) She started emailing me about 7 AM, wanting to know what I'm doing. In my sleep, I don't reply. She writes again about 9:45 and tells me all about her loss during the storm 2 weeks ago and can I give her my number again......please. ("Still sleeping, sorry".) I get up around 10 and see the emails I just mentioned and wonder why in the world I ever gave this lady my number, because the excitement of Sunday evening disappeared in my sleep..

In my confusion, I'm still thinking her 10 cigarette a day habit is a piece of cake for a 3 pack guy like me. I drink coffee and try to get into the mood to talk to a stranger in the AM. At 10:45 AM, my phone rings and it's a call from Gabby to learn my secret of how to quit smoking, but there really isn't any trick. It just takes determination and devotion to live. My phone plays the Blackberry song and I answer on what would probably be about the 3rd or 4th ring and guess what? Al Green is calling me! I say hello and Al Green replies HELLO...........DUTCH, with the deepest, raspiest, roughest smoker's voice I ever heard.... All I could say is, "I know who this is", laughing in my voice.. She makes the mistake of asking how and I tell her the smoker's voice is a dead giveaway. I think that's when it first went bad for her. I recovered from her shockingly deep voice and started making her laugh. Whenever she would get caught off balance, she would let go of a HARDY HAR HAR HAR... back slapping laugh, with her raspy horrible smoker's voice. Put a fork in me, I'm done! At some point Al Green mentions she had to get the gym, a lot of good that was gonna do, so I said I had to be someplace too... We hung up and I didn't bother saving her number. Yeah, smoking is a real deal breaker! I never did tell her my secret to quit smoking.............Don't put them in your mouth!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Food was Good, but...

An interesting day took place, that I thought was worthy of mention in my otherwise dull life. Life is presented to us in different phases and this just happens to be one of my scheduled commercial interruptions. Mine began with my heart event that took place almost six years ago, others are jump started by things like cancer diagnoses, loss of a loved one or simply falling off a ladder, but as silly as that seems, who would do that? So to break up my otherwise tranquil day, I called the Lovely Jules and asked her to have lunch. We started out at my new location and Jules began by mentioning that I only eat at 6 different restaurants, which do I want to eat at this day? Taking exception to her rather bold comment, I questioned her as she rattled off the 6 places I allow myself to be fed and she was right, come to think of it. She suggested someplace different for a change. Since it was clearly her turn to buy, we decided she should be entitled to choose the destination. We passed a Denny's and she commented we could eat there. I pretty much poo pooed her suggestion without using words, but just using my face for my reply. She agreed it was a bad idea. Driving East on Bell Rd. we passed a KFC and a Village Inn, no and no. At the corner of Scottsdale Rd and Frank Lloyd Wright is a place that advertises that I've only been to once on a date from hell and never did eat anything there, while my date literally stuffed her mouth like a squirrel getting ready for winter. Charlestons!

We pulled in and even the handicapped parking was full. My first reaction is, was this a national holiday where people were off from work? No, this is just how Scottsdale is during the recession. It was MOBBED! Scottsdale people LOVE recession, it makes them hungry! A little tiny girl that was about a foot shy of being considered short, seated us as we settled into a booth. It was lovely, commented the Lovely Jules, as she made her broken wing more comfortable releasing one of the tightness adjusters. Remember when you were a kid and they put you into a cast to protect your broken arm? Well, it seems that's all over now. Now you get a removable type bandage that can be taken off for showering and such.

Here comes our waitress, who has never said no to a bowl of ice cream. Jules insisted that she was a college student that was just overeating for finals, but I spotted make up in her wrinkles left over from 1962! Not only was she plump, but the worst waitress ever in history. No eye contact and ignored LJ's request for a slice of lemon in her water........twice! Without an explanation, she brought me 2 Diet Cokes. I guess it was their policy. Now just because Scottsdale was not in a recession, we still were and discussed leaving after seeing how proud they were about their food, by their prices! Jeez, a French dip was $16! I spotted the Avocado and chicken sandwich for $12 and suggested we split it. LJ was all over that, as it was still her turn to buy. I also know that Jules is not a good eater and I'd get most of the sandwich eventually and did!

We ordered and waited and eventually a couple were seated direct across from us. We nodded and did a silent hello. She was an older woman, about 65 and he was about 45 and quite gay. You could just see it and hear his partial lisp. He also ordered the Avocado chicken sandwich, but was lucky enough to get his own. From this point on we just ate and chatted and enjoyed our post recession environment, when suddenly the gentleman sitting across from us started to choke! He choked and gagged and was quite speechless when the woman with him yelled for someone to help. Not knowing anything about CPR or CPA, I jumped into action, first loosening his collar and then grabbing him from behind and doing what I thought was the Heimlich maneuver. I'll be a son of a gun, but it worked! He was gasping for air, but clearly his airway was now opened. People gathered around and cheered us both. We were suddenly celebrities! Just then an ambulance arrived and along with it came a crew of news reporters and we were both interviewed and appeared on 3 network stations during the 5 PM news. It was unbelievable. The best part was, we NEVER paid the check!

The last paragraph was mostly made up, but really I had to because it was getting unbelievably boring.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The End of Susan...

I've been getting a lot of people that want to know what happened to Susan. Well, that's not true either. The people that know me and are my friends already know of the horrible fate of poor Susan, but Martha wants to know, so I dedicate this post to NMS, who is Martha, MJ, and NMS represents "Not Martha Stewart"...

Susan is currently in the burn unit at Scottsdale North. She suffered a horrible accident and is horribly disfigured from 2nd and 3rd degree burns to the sides of her face and head. Being pretty shallow, I doubt I'll be seeing her again. The accident went something like this..

I got a phone call from a gentleman that introduced himself as Susan's husband. My first reaction was that off shock, but he explained that he was not her current husband, but her ex. Current husband? He went on to tell me that Susan had suffered an accident and was currently in the hospital burn unit. Completely forgetting of his tales of a current husband, I was caught up in the moment and rushed to her side. When I arrived, I was told I couldn't see her just now, as she had too many visitors already. Currently in her room was a husband named Joe and 2 boyfriends named Jim and Jack, her ex-husband was still ahead of me. I was literally dumbfounded to hear of the congestion of J's in that little room. Still concerned for her well-being, I waited my turn.

Somewhere around Midnight, a gentleman named Jerry sat down next to me and started chatting. Turns out that he also got a call from Susan and was there to see her too. Jerry just met her on yesterday and had only met her once, last night, to have a drink. Out of nowhere, an orderly came out saying number 7, is there a Mel out here? I got up and took my turn to see Susan. She looked just awful. I still hadn't been told by anyone, how this hideous accident occurred. So I asked....

She had a horrible bandage surrounding her entire head. She told me she was standing there ironing a dress for a client. A dress that she had just made and was pressing. Suddenly the phone rang and she said, not thinking, she just lifted the iron, instead of the phone to her ear and said hello. The hot iron burned her ear and the side of her head horribly. With confusion on my face, I asked how she burned the other ear so badly too. With an empty look in her eyes, she looked at me like I was crazy and slowly said, "I had to call the hospital, didn't I?"

No, with all the men awaiting her recovery, I don't think I'll be seeing Susan again... Nope...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The 20 Hour Work Week...

When I was working, I tended to work a lot. I worked 7 days a week and many nights. I never tried to figure out how many hours a week I worked, but I worked enough to get the job done. I was always self employed and the more I worked, the more I could produce. However, I've never met anyone that works as much as my new lady, Susan. Susan is self employed as a seamstress. She has written contracts with a few high profile Scottsdale custom dress shops to make their dresses. When I first heard about this choice of career, I thought she could regulate her own hours, but after just being in her busy life for a few days, I've realized she is under such pressure that I am literally amazed.

For example, we spoke on the phone after a full day of texting, for about 2 hours. Whenever we speak, we talk for an extended period of time. Saturday we talked for 5 1/2 hours, until after 2 AM. We finally met on Sunday evening for a 4 hour Coke and Monday we texted and talked all day. It is Susan that single-handedly is causing me to contact AT&T for an unlimited minute plan. After speaking until about 11 PM last night, she said she was tired and still had a lot of work to do, so she was taking a nap until midnight and going back to work. That would be a one hour nap. She just worked all day, after telling me she started at 4 AM, worked until 9 and talked to me for 2 hours, so she could have a one hour nap. The following day we spoke with one another again and she told me she dreamed that she was caught up and slept until 2 AM and jerked awake to find she was way behind. Today, she worked from 2 AM until 6 PM with fittings in downtown Scottsdale and was going to go home then for another nap and something to eat. And guess what she's doing after that? Right, back to work. I love the ambition, but I haven't seen her since our first meeting on Sunday. Next Sunday we have plans for a busy day, with NO WORK!

So today I got out of the shower at 11:56 AM and noticed I had a phone call that I missed. After checking, it was Beckie from my vampire's office and I missed my 11:30 appointment and she was leaving at noon. With a loud OH SHIT, I called her back and told her I could be there in 10 minutes if she could wait? She said she would. Now I had to figure out a way to go from my house to 40th St. and Greenway while still dripping wet from the shower. I put my clothes on with me still wet and hopped into my sandals, grabbing my cell phone and keys on the way out. I put the Toyota in warp 5 and headed for the blood joint and actually made it there in 9 minutes including stopping for 3 red lights. With my hair still wet with that Pat Brady look, entered the office as Beckie was about to leave........................Whew!

After getting an iron infusion, I drove over to my third wife's house to discover that Susan lives 3 walking blocks away from her. Small town, I guess... With 5 million people here, who woulda thunk it?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Some Good News and Some Other Good news...

Today I have nothing but good news. It's a Tuesday and I was up late on the phone with Susan until almost 2 AM yet again. Susan is my new interest. This doesn't happen to me often when I meet someone that matters to me. Susan is different though. She's small and humble and easy going. She's quiet and sedate and speaks slowly, then quietly unloads some serious humor, when you're least expecting it. She's self employed, has had a good upbringing, comes from a large family and is NOT a drama queen. I think we compliment each other and yet she keeps me wondering. All good signs. So in answer to Jamie's question, sometimes it does work, all of this online experimentation. It's a hit and miss operation, with many misses and an occasional hit! I think at this juncture, Susan is that hit...

That was some of the good news and the other thing is, I just got a letter from Chase Bank indicating that they sided with me in the dispute against the dentist from hell, I think. Their letter was so general that I think they favored me in their decision, but to keep my records because the dentist has several months to appeal. I don't know what he could possibly say, because I was straight forward and up front about everything. I really should be suing him, but I'm almost certain his assets have already been picked over by previous law suites, plus it would all be negative energy, that would better used elsewhere. So I'll be content to be in the situation that I'm presently in, but with my $3500 back in my pocket. Good Day........and I mean it!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Judy in Troon...

I've had the occasion recently to speak with a few new women. Not new to the world, just to me. It's come to me through the grapevine that my dating disasters are good reading although sometimes painful for me. Foregoing my own mental health, I give you a simple but sad story.

Yesterday morning, I got an email from, that Judy was interested in me. Who might she be? So I clicked and scrolled and clicked some more, going through the dance of love on my laptop. Suddenly, a funny looking lady aged 59 was staring at me through my computer screen. Funny looking but tall and thin reminding me of Debra, my ex-wife, although she wasn't funny looking. Same hair style and basic physique. Strange what motivates us, well me anyway. So I clicked that I was interested too!

I don't think 5 minutes when by and I got another message from the service, that Judy wants to know some things about me. I answer her 6 questions, as sarcastically as I can and let her know how silly this routine created by, really is. About 2 minutes later, I get a smart-ass reply and I well deserved it. I like this! Soon another email arrives and this one is pleasant, informative, factual and I'm thinking that Judy may indeed be a real person. We exchange emails for the rest of the days and I'm developing a new respect for Judy. She has a few acres up in Troon and lives alone and is self employed and has another office in the Bay area. She loves animals, has been married twice and has a grown daughter. Those, believe it of not, are real qualifications. (But still funny looking) I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, everyone has a bad picture and looks better in reality. Right? She has another picture where she is wearing sun glasses and looks okay. I decided if I like her, we can have her eyes operated on to make them closer together, or perhaps a head vice?

She eventually sends me her phone number sighting her possession of multiple phones, cell phones, laptops, desktops and a CB radio. I called late last night to a smoker's voice that was so self absorbed that we never did discuss me. She told me she was married twice, for 2 years each and doesn't need a man in her life, that she's completely self sufficient and doesn't even want a man, except for sometimes when she's lonely, but is seldom lonely because her days are so full and happy.

I'm listening to her and analysing her real meaning and getting, someone come and help me, I'm so lonely but cannot give up and show dependence on someone else because they'll take advantage of me. She was sounding strong and assertive and terribly wounded. Sitting there listening to her, I made a decision. After a brief pause in our conversation, I said there really isn't any reason for us to be talking. You just told me that you have everything in life that you want and it does not include others, so I'll just say goodbye and wish you luck. She replied, okay, well you've got my number, if you feel like meeting for coffee after mulling it over, give me a call. I said goodbye and deleted her number! And she was on a dating service because.......?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I Need................"3 ON YOUR SIDE"!!!

It's over 4 months since Dr. Lloyd drilled out my first tooth and a week later he did a root canal on a tooth that already had one years ago. He told me the first dentist missed the entire root and he was the dentist of my dreams. Only HE knew how to do the work properly and he had told me that he required $3500 to get my ailing mouth into shape. I found Dr. Lloyd by a referral from a friend, but never did the homework on him that would have advised me to run like hell! After checking with the AZ. Board of Dentistry, discovered that Dr. Lloyd had been reprimanded for everthing but abusing monkeys! It includes violations for dispensing pain killers in volume, doing work where no work was needed, double billing insurance companies and was required to enroll in Alcohol and Cocaine recovery programs, and he is a sexual addict to boot! If I had looked for a worse dentist, it would be hard to beat his record.

After Dr. Lloyd stopped answering my calls and that was almost as soon as I paid him, I was in pain and abandoned. When he did call me back, he was of no help. He prescribed Z-packs over and over again and my stomach was paying the price for this over-dose of antibiotics. Then he went back into the silent zone, where I'd call and get no response or reply. The last call of several said to call me back by noon that same day or I would go another route. Nothing!

Eventually, not knowing what else to do, I contacted a new dentist. I was not ready for his findings. Did you ever have someone give you bad news that they knew you weren't going to be happy to hear? They tend to prepare you for it. He had me sitting down, naturally. Then we talked about his career and how he got to this position in life. It was a great story until he told me that I had been medically abused by my previous dentist. He showed me where Dr. Lloyd drilled right through my roots into my jaw and then filled my jaw with dental filler. Not in one tooth, but all three that he had addressed. My new dentist used words like "medical malpractice and legal assistance". You NEVER heard doctors talk that way about one another. He also said he was willing to put it all in a letter and did. To remedy this situation, since I don't have enough bone to support crowns that Dr. Lloyd had sold me, but to remove the teeth in question and get plates or bridges. In other words, I have to have 4 teeth pulled out! Those teeth would be my molars that I need to chew.

My first plan of attack was to contact Chase Bank where I charged the $3500 and put the amount in dispute. That was over 30 days ago, but have not heard a word back yet. Then, I contacted the AZ Board of Dentistry and filed a complaint. Their first letter back, told me it would possibly take over a year, did I still want to go through with it? YES!

I've not heard a word from Dr Lloyd or the girl that worked for him to schedule an appointment. She has to part of his conspiracy, since when I call she doesn't answer the phone. Today, four months and 6 days since he first attacked my mouth and stole my money (or Chase Bank's) I got a text message that my crowns were finally in and to call for an appointment. I did nothing. My thoughts are, that he's by now been contacted by the bank and the Board of Dentistry and figured he'd better make an attempt at getting out of this. So he actually ordered the crowns in question. The problem is, I know he's a crook and a thief and that my jaw will not allow me to support crowns. I've had this confirmed, by the way, by yet a third reputable dentist. Just now and what motivated this post, was the phone call from his assistance Sabrina to call for my appointment. I didn't answer. Time to reverse the roles.

The Lovely Jules suggested I contact 3 On Your Side. I was almost going to do it, after all, she's my Costco wife!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Busy Tuesday...

As anticipated, Tuesday turned out to be a pretty busy day. Uncommon for this retiree. Knowing that I was to pick up LJ from surgery and attend to her $5 dog's need for the first part of the day, sleep came hard. Sadly, when you cannot sleep, it never come with an explanation. After taking something about 4 AM, I slept like a drugged baby until about 9:30, when I leaped out of bed thinking I'd slept through my responsibilities, but naught. I got a text message from the Lovely Jules, that the pup had been walked, fed and was good for several hours. I made coffee and began my leisurely morning.

At about 11:05, I was standing in my kitchen with 2 freshly cracked eggs in a frying pan and 2 slices of toast in the toaster, when my phone rang with an unknown number. I answered and the called asked if I were LJ's friend? I was going to say something like it depends what day of the week it is, but chose a simple, yes. It was Arrowhead Hospital calling to tell me she was ready! Shit, shit, shit! She told me about 2:30 and it was 3 1/2 hours early and I'm not showered or dressed or fed! Those were my thoughts, I replied, I can be there in about an hour. She said, okay, I'll just keep her until you get here and hung up. I scrambled the eggs in the frying pan, butter the toast when it popped up and started showering while still chewing. Got dressed for a long day and was at the hospital, that by the way was on the other side of town, all within 45 minutes.

LJ looked .............wounded. She had crazy eyes from anesthesia and absolutely no sense of humor. She started nodding out on the ride home. I arrived at her house and delicately helped her out of the car and got her inside, while she asked for ice water with plenty of ice. We got her settled in on her favorite couch and turned on the TV. We talked a little but LJ was wiped out and fell asleep, a good thing. I stayed about an hour and a half but I could sense that she really wanted to be alone.

Of all days for LJ to have this event scheduled, I had an old high school friend in town and had known of her presence for about 2 months. A girl that I had dated in high school was here for a wedding over the weekend and I was straining at the leash to see her. We were quite an item 45 years ago. I told LJ where I was to be and she was okay with me leaving her. I got into my car that was safely in Julie's garage hiding from the record breaking storm we had just experienced. Nice and dry I called Sherry, my friend from the past. I told her I should make it to old Scottsdale in about 30 minutes, not realizing how far it really was. About 40 minutes later, I entered the lobby of the Chaparral Suites and looked for Sherry. Nothing. I tried her cell as the desk clerk asked if he could help me? I gave him the one finger up, wait a minute, international sign. When Sherry answered I waved him off with yet another international sign. I told Sherry that I was in her lobby and she said she was too.

Sherry approached me while still chatting with me and I saw a girl from 45 years ago, with the maturity of a woman. Here is something that I don't remember. Sherry was about 4' 10" tall, that's all. She seemed like a midget. It was really freaky! It was as if we had been placed into a time machine and it was still 1965, but WE were aged 45 long years. We looked for a place to lite. Sherry suggested the hotel's coffee shop, but it was closed. We left the hotel and got into my car, looking for a coffee shop, or anywhere we could get an iced tea and sit. First stop was the Good Egg, but it was closed, who knew they stayed open until only 2? In the same little strip center, was a Cupcake shop. I looked at Sherry and said, WTF is a cupcake shop. She said, we'll see, won't we? We were the only people in the joint and I was worried they were closed too, but the high school girl that worked there, put down her cell phone long enough to ask what we wanted. We asked for 2 iced teas. Nope, no iced tea! The choice of drinks were Coke or Diet Coke? We ordered 2 diet Cokes and she said, $5. These were the cute 8 ou. plastic bottles. We sat and we talked for 4 hours. In all that time, only 2 other girls came in to buy a cupcake. How do they stay in business?

We talked about our lives and where they had taken us, Sherry was married and has been for 40 years. I went through me 3 wives and Sherry was a good listener. I was always fond of Sherry's parents. Her mother, a charming woman that seemed to like me too and her father, that was divorced from her mom. Her Dad was an immigrant from Poland and had a number tattooed onto his arm from the German concentration camp. I still remember the stories he would tell me, as a 18 year old boy. Henry, her father was way cool, but it turned out, not so good a father. Both of her parents are deceased now, as are mine.

Sherry and I had the distinct privilege of going on a honeymoon, along with a couple of friends of ours that got married. I thought it was quite romantic, but Sherry doesn't remember it that way. There goes another notch from my belt! We sat there in the cupcake shop watching a wonderful storm go through our valley, but to Sherry it was just rain. They get lots of that in Chicago.

I left Sherry about 6 PM and drove through our storm traffic all of the way home. I tried checking on LJ, but she didn't answer. I decided she was asleep and I was pretty right. I watched TV for a few hours and went to sleep about 11 PM, early for me. I was awakened about 3:30 AM for a reason I was not used to. I was freezing! That's right. It got so cold outside that the overhead fan was chilling me out. Now THAT'S something we haven't experienced here in the valley of the sun for a long, long time...


I just got an email from Sherry. It said, "Home safe and sound, 78 degrees in Chicago and sunny."....................... Hell, I doubt that!