Sunday, July 24, 2011

Mean Girl at the Dog Park...

It was about 8 PM and the sun had finally gone down and I thought it might be a little cooler outside, but no. It was still a blistering 101 at that hour, typical of our monsoon evenings without a storm. Add to that the humidity that you Easterners think we don't have and it was pretty unpleasant, but try explaining that to a 1 year old pup. Macy was leaping around like a maniac at the mere thought of running with her friends. It's what she lives for!

She leaped into the convertible from about 5 feet away and immediately hopped into the back seat, where she is assigned, looked at me and waiting impatiently for me to start the car. Yeah, she knew where we were going. It's only a short drive to the park, about 2 miles and we were there in no time. Macy doesn't even wait for me to get out of the car, but rather leaps over me. It's all I have to do, to hold on to her once we're there. When I release her, she flies off into the horizon like a dove flying off to freedom. She hits zero to forty in a 8.2 seconds and runs to the first dog she sees and slams on the breaks to exchange kisses. It's really quite cute.

Probably because of the heat, there were not a lot of dogs there, plus it was a Saturday night and some normal people have better things to do. Macy was content to play with whoever was present and doesn't mind going off by herself to sniff the various odors left behind. I was sitting by myself, on a bench on the West side of the park and there weren't many dogs around my area. Thinking that if I relocated across the park, Macy would follow and have a greater number of playmates. I sat down on a bench about 15 feet away from a teenage girl that was texting. She had two very large Chihuahuas, large and extremely overweight. They were friendly though and Macy befriended them and when they came over to say hello to me, I pet them. The three played rather nicely together in spite of the little fat dog's ages, which was quite advanced. That's when the mean girl became the mean girl!

She put down water for her dogs and kept shooing Macy away, so poor Macy couldn't drink. That's when she lifted the bowl of water over Macy's head and explained to her that if there's any left after her dogs drank, then poor little Macy could have it. It turned out that her dogs didn't want any water and she put it down for Macy, who took one sip and walked away. It was then that the mean girl pour out the water, as if it was contaminated!

Okay, in my mind.............. I walked over to the girl, took my right hand and put it to my left shoulder and "Bitch-Slapped" the mean girl! Then reality set back in and I went over and got Macy and announced going home time. I "seethed" all the way to the car!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Ah Sirina...

A strange thing happened at the old dating service this week. For one thing, I suddenly became very popular and everyone I drop a line to responds. In addition, I'm being contacted by a myriad of women, something that seldom happens.

The lady that is pictured above, I saw and was instantly taken by her. I wrote her a brief email that said, "You may be too adorable for this website, so I'll check with the management and get back to you". This prompted an immediate reply of length, that said she wanted to get to know me better, but to do that we should chat at Yahoo, who has an instant messaging system. I replied that I already have so many email addresses, that if I were to open a new one, Gmail might think I was two-timing it! I offered her an invitation to open an account at Gmail, as they offer the same features. To my surprise, she agreed and opened an account.

At this time let me interject something. I wasn't born yesterday and also own a mirror. I'm aware that a woman of this age and beauty really has no business flirting with a 65 year old man. She looked way younger, but claimed to be 50, but still I had my doubts. Last night the following dialogue took place between Sirina and myself. Be sure to observe the time frame between replies from Sirina and her spelling and choice of words. Her last name is Issah, which is Middle Eastern

7:26 PM sirina.issah: hello there

33 minutes
7:59 PM me: Didn't you get the email that said I'd meet you here tonight at 8 PM?
8:00 PM Look, it's 8!
sirina.issah: Sorry no i did not
8:01 PM me: t Yahoo
I sent it a couple of days ago at Yahoo/
sirina.issah: well did not check my email yet
me: Anyway, hello there!
8:02 PM Are you there?
sirina.issah: Hello how are you doing
8:03 PM me: GREAT!
And you?
Are you busy?
8:04 PM sirina.issah: Am fine thank you we keep missing each other on here have been here through of the night last time waiting to talk to you but you where not here
8:05 PM me: Sorry, I was waiting for our date at * tonight.
I thought you had gotten my email.
Thanks for opening a Gmail account. Isn't this great?
8:06 PM We seem to have 2 conversations going.
8:07 PM We seem to have 2 separate conversations going.
sirina.issah: Ohh yes and think that will be really nice.. am really happy meeting you on here now i think with this we can chat and get to know each other more better
me: Are you from Chicago?
8:09 PM If you are busy we can talk later?
8:11 PM sirina.issah: Is a friend who put me on the site am very new to the site and dont really know anything about it she even did some mistakes which i need to correct them my self but i try all i can but still did not work out for me,, that makes ma very sad and worried My age is 35 and not 50 nand also i live in West africa and not Az i have nothing to hide from you or anyone so think i will let you know this from the beging if you will like as to be friends fine if not we can say Good Bye to each other....
8:12 PM me: Good luck!

Her replies were a full 2 minutes after my questions. I immediately pictures a guy named Achmed sitting there typing with a cigar in his mouth and trying to translate what I am saying from his native language of Arabic. As you could see, my only reply was "Good luck" and I quickly cancelled the chat and deleted her email address. I went to the website where I found her and the management had already cancelled her account. It was as if Sirina never existed, heh, she probably never did!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Christmas in July...

For all intents and purposes, the adorable puppy that we brought home from the Humane Society last month, will from this point forward be referred to as "That Rogue Dog"! Here's what happened...

On more than one occasion, Rogue Dog has terrorized, abominated and otherwise destroyed every stuffed animal that the Lovely Jules had purchased for her or currently owned. She first rips off their faces and then whips them around the room in a mighty fight that she always wins. After, the room resembles the North Pole right before Santa takes off on his run. All white and fresh and clean with crystal clear snow. Our snow is really the efforts of migrant workers picking cotton. Tons of cotton is splayed around the room for Rogue Dog's personal pleasure.

Rogue Dog also has Houdini capabilities as outlined earlier, therefore she is capable of entering locked rooms that would otherwise be off limits to her, such as my bedroom pictured above. It's not a wonderful bedroom, it's rather small and I had the nerve to stuff a king sized bedroom set in there to add to the confusion. Therefore, the room consists mostly of bedroom set and a clothes horse for tossing used clothing, that's not quite ready for the laundry yet. Got all that?

In 1996 I married a woman that it seems that all she wanted from me was a Ralph Lauren King sized flowered bed set of sheets, complete with dust ruffle and shams. For the mere cost of $500 we could be the proud owners of these beauties. Well, the first time I realized she was serious, I kind of blew it off with, "Look, isn't that your sister walking in the mall?" She ran off to see and we exited the department store that had the nerve to ask that much money for frinkin sheets! I let go of a big WHEW and we continued our shopping.

One day at the outlet mall between Phoenix and Tucson, we stopped and wouldn't you know it, the department store had an outlet store there too. How lucky, right? There were the same sheets that she fell in love with for only $350 or something. Naturally, we couldn't pass up such a bargain. Old whats-her-name, was really happy now! To say that I always HATED those sheets was an understatement. They were poorly fit to the bed, loud, obnoxious, and had these hideous ruffles at the end of each edge and you got them caught in your mouth when you snored.

Well, the wife is long gone and all that remains are those stinking sheets. I should have used them to wrap fish in, years ago, but didn't and every time I look in the linen closet, those are the only ones available to use. Well, no more. Getting back to the Rogue Dog....

Rogue Dog has discovered the easy way, that the inside of my pillows has the same cotton that her toys have and she has single handedly attacked and defeated three of the four pillows, pillow cases going first. God bless her, she did what I've wanted to do since day one!

The bed is one of the Sleep Comfort Numbers beds and I have no complaints there, but the picture showcases the poorly fitting sheets and one lonely pillow slip. Next step for the sheets, GARBAGE CAN!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Androgynous Hermaphrodite..

A trip to the dog park this evening produces a great deal of pleasure and some obvious confusion. I'd never been there before and LJ introduced me to it. It's at 57th Avenue, south of Utopia, just past the library, got that? It separated into 3 different fenced in parks for little dogs, big dogs and not so friendly dogs. We fit into the big dog section, where frankly I feel more comfortable. Macy had been there with Jules several times before and had already acquired quite a following. She sort of runs with the pack now. She knows Lacy, one of her girlfriends from the Humane Society, a cell mate there, if you will? A new friend is a little Cocker Spaniel named freckles, and an Irish Setter that never did mention his name.

About 15 minutes into our visit, a stranger came into the park with his male yellow Lab. It was the dog's owner that caught my inquisitive eye. Many years ago, on Saturday Night Live, there was a skit about Chris, an androgynous individual that appeared to be sexless, or should I say genderless? At first from her walk, I thought she was a woman. He/she was tall but lacked the bumps on his/her chest that would set her/him apart from a man. The hair style was no indicator, it was short as a man or a woman might wear it? "IT" wore his/her shorts a little too high for any man to wear them comfortably, yet some geeks might try it that way? The fanny pack that I pointed out to LJ, could have gone either way? He/she let his/her dog loose and he/she immediately picked up the public pooper scooper and cleaned up every one's mess. Still watching out of the corner of my eye, I was weighing the possibilities to LJ who swiftly told me to forget about her/him. But I couldn't!

His/her dog, a yellow Lab as mentioned, was quite a friendly fellow and came over and just about jumped up on my lap. I pet him with a big smile on my face. Just then, Macy came over to see who was somewhat mauling her semi-owner and the fellow took particular notice of cute little Macy, gave her a quick sniff and attempted to mount her without the advantage of flowers or even a dinner! How rude! LJ quick to protect her little angel, pulled the rather stout fellow off of her and we sent this would be lover on his way.

Now I told you all of that, so I could tell you this. Just about that time, the owner of the yellow Lab, came over, flashed his/her leash at his dog and said the following statement to his dog, "COME ON, GIRL" and they both exited the park! Jules and I both looked at each other and shook our heads simultaneously. We'll never know now...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Vandals Strike in Beautiful Glendale, Thousands Lost!

When Dr. Harvey told me to do a 24 hour urine collection, I had no idea it was to all come from me! Some of the neighbors got outright unpleasant when I rang their bells to ask for a donation. It's not like their kids don't ring this bell all the time for collections for their schools. Oh well. I finally completed the 24 hour collection and turned in the results today. The nurse at Lab-Corp. said to wait there while she puts my collection in the refrigerator and I told her that was the second time I'd gotten rid of the stuff, do whatever she wants with it. I waited about 30 minutes for them to call my name and withdraw 14 viles of needed blood from my arm. As I counted them, I was expecting the next vile to only produce dust, but I didn't disappoint them. I checked more than once to see of the girl drawing my blood had extended K-9's but she didn't. I felt it would add to the story line.

Earlier in the day, LJ came home from running errands and told me that my car had a flat tire. I asked which one, as I was outside last night with the dog and didn't notice anything looking out of place. She said it was a rear tire. I made every effort to put the air back into the deflated tire in hopes of getting it filled to drive it to Discount Tire for the repair, but no luck. It wouldn't take any air. I decided it was a bad valve stem of at least the seal had been broken from sitting too long in the sun. I jacked up the car and removed the tire and borrow LJ's truck to haul it to get it repaired. I dropped it off and left my phone number to call when it was ready and I continued to the lab.

While getting my 14 viles of blood removed from my arm, my phone rang, but I didn't recognize the number so didn't answer at such an inopportune time. I called my voicemail to see what the message was and it said to call Discount Tire, there is a problem and they want to know what to do to proceed. Hmmm.......

When I called, I got someone named John to tell me that my tire had been stabbed and it needed to be replaced, not repaired. Shit, I HATE when that happens! These are expensive tires too and I have to replace it with the same type, obviously. I told him to go ahead and do the best he can at matching the others and hung up. When I got there, the tired was ready for me and the bill was not as much as I'd expected. I took the tire home and installed it onto the car and went into the house for a cold drink.

Still not believing that someone would do something like that in this neighborhood, which is a clean suburban atmosphere, on the golf course no less. As I sat back, LJ came in to ask if I was all finished and I told her yes, and that if I had a knife and wanted to do some vandalism, I would slash the top on a convertible, not stab the tire. As I said that, a light bulb actually lit over my head and I thought, "I wonder" and headed back out.

The top is black and difficult to see any variance in shape indicating a cut, but sure as hell, there were 4 stabs, about 2 inches long each along the driver's side from front to back. That took my loss from a little over a hundred to well over a thousand. Woe is me! Ain't the Fourth of July grand?